Looking Beyond The Nest

I'm working on my next book and as a little preliminary research, I've put together an informal survey for mothers of children who are ALL five years or older.  If you fall into this category, I'd love to get your anonymous response to a few questions...
http://kwiksurveys.com/s.asp?sid=vukgs87b1bta2hp23504

Here's to the Mamas!

I'm working on my next book and as a little preliminary research, I've put together an informal survey for women who are CURRENTLY raising small children (under age five).  If you fall into this category, I'd love to get your anonymous response to a few questions...
http://kwiksurveys.com/s.asp?sid=gvyrh72ggdnqwlm23448

For the Footloose & Kid-Free Among Us...

I'm working on my next book and as a little preliminary research, I've put together an informal survey for women who haven't had children at this point in their lives.  If you fall into that category, I'd love to get your anonymous response to a few questions...
http://kwiksurveys.com/s.asp?sid=kxrdcho8c2hax9123386

How Can We Bring About Positive Change from the LDS Conference Rhetoric?

I'm so alarmed by the recent rash of suicides among the LGBT youth in America, and after this weekend, living in Salt Lake and being fully exposed to the information disseminated at this weekends General Conference, I'm very sad that the leaders of the LDS church, the default religious leaders of my community, are still encouraging division among brothers & sisters. It's just so wrong! And so I, like so many others, am once again driven to speak out about my own feelings.

The widespread dissatisfaction with the LDS church leadership I am currently witnessing is not a new phenomena. It's been this way since the very inception of the LDS church - the public at large didn't like what Joseph Smith was doing with his new religion & congregation. This disapproval (though it was mostly disapproval at what Joseph Smiths did with others' wives and various con jobs he was wrapping up on the side) is what led to the mobs that drove the Mormons from every city they settled in until they ultimately turned to the inhospitable Salt Lake valley. Surely there have been spikes in the negative public image at various points in history. Things were pretty bad back in 1978 just before blacks were gifted with the priesthood through a new revelation. Certainly things have been heated since Proposition 8 came along, thrusting the involvement of individual members (at the encouragement of church officials from the pulpit) into the limelight. So this recent rash of youth suicides I mentioned...  It has brought this newest chapter in the long civil rights path of our young country to a head once again.

Justin Aaberg, 15, Anoka, Minn., July 9, 2010
Billy Lucas, 15, Greensburg, Ind., Sept. 9, 2010
Seth Walsh, 13, Tehachapi, Calif., Sept. 19, 2010
Tyler Clementi, 18, Ridgewood, N.J., Sept. 22, 2010
Asher Brown, 13, Cypress, Texas, Sept. 23, 2010
Raymond Chase, 19, Monticello, N.Y., Sept. 29, 2010

Children are killing themselves because they are alienated from their peers in every way.  And their peers alienate them because their own parents and leaders have taught them to fear and scorn anyone that is different from them.  And this back-to-school trend is absolutely not the beginning of youth suicides.  I got a mailing from the Human Rights Campaign that talked about the suicide of Carl Joseph Walker-Hoover, an 11 year old Massachusetts boy in 2009, due to bullying because he "acted like a girl". There are so many. It's truly tragic and alarming. My own 11 year old son is the victim of bullying and ridicule at school this year, simply because he has long hair. Kids call him a girl and tease him mercilessly, just because of their perceptions about sexuality!

This weekend was the LDS church's fall session of their General Conference. This is an opportunity for the membership to hear messages from the top leadership of the church. And as is typical at this time each year, things are heating up. I've read a few news articles yesterday and today, excerpting Boyd K Packer's talk, but after several LDS members claimed his message is being taken out of context, I decided to listen to the entire talk on the church's own website lds.org.
Packer begins by proclaiming the fear and confusion facing the young people of the church today. He refers to the churches revelation "The Family: A Proclamation to the World", issued 15 years ago. He quotes it in part by reading the following:

We, the First Presidency and the Council of the Twelve Apostles of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, solemnly proclaim that marriage between a man and a woman is ordained of God and that the family is central to the Creator's plan for the eternal destiny of His children.

He then further quotes LDS scripture to define union between a man and woman as a commandment from God. He goes on to discuss the concept of free agency, so prevalent in this religion. He talks about how sacred is our ability to create life. He talks about obedience and prayer. He promises that an obedient, willing & prayerful husband and wife will be gifted with children, happiness & a personal relationship with God. These blessings, including children, may come now or in the hereafter. He also stipulates that "pure love presupposes that only after a pledge of eternal fidelity, a legal & lawful ceremony and ideally after a sealing ordinance in the temple, are those life giving powers released to the full expression of love. It is to be shared only and solely between a man & woman, husband and wife with that one who is our companion forever." He warns that Satan is miserable and impotent, and that he can not stand any happiness and seeks to tempt us to sin and therefore, into misery. He likens pornography to a plague, "relentlessly trying to invade every home mostly through the husband and father". He talks about the spiritual fatality caused by this plague. He then promises that the priesthood can protect us from this plague, or any other bad habits and addictions. He warns parents to protect their families from these plagues. He warns not to succumb to these counterfeits for marriage. His next quote lays out exactly how he feels about homosexual tendencies, and the italicized portion is the quote which has sparked so much upset and so many claims of being taken out of context.

Any persuasion to enter into any relationship that is not in harmony with the principles of the gospel must be wrong. In the Book of Mormon we learn that wickedness never was happiness. Some suppose that they were preset and cannot overcome what they feel are inborn tendencies toward the impure and the unnatural . Not so. Why would our heavenly father do that to anyone? Remember, he is our father."

He quotes more scripture and goes back to talk of breaking addictions through the power of the priesthood. Then he goes on to tell a story of a child who brought a kitten to class with him. the children asked if the kitten was a boy or a girl and the teacher quickly asserted that it didn't matter. But the children persisted and finally one boy said he knew how to tell - they could vote on it!

You may laugh at the story. But if we're not alert, there are those today who not only tolerate but advocate voting to change laws that would legalize immorality, as if a vote would somehow alter the designs of Gods laws & nature. A law against nature would be impossible to enforce. For instance what good would a vote against the law of gravity do? There are both moral & physical laws, irrevocably decreed in heaven before the foundation of the world that cannot be changed."

He warns that if the membership does not protect the LDS idea of family, the very foundation of civilization will be threatened. He begins to wrap up his address with a message of repentance for your unworthy habits and addictions. He promises peace & happiness for families who are obedient to these laws.

Now, after going over the entire address, I can safely say nothing is taken out of context. With that in mind, here's what I think of his words. I've noticed that President Packer tends toward this theme. He harps on homosexuality, intellectuals, feminists, morality, pornography, etc. I wonder what sins he sees in himself that make him so fearful of these things. In a facebook note linked below the comments suggest Packer is gay and another commenter, a church member, is insulted at the "disgusting things" implied about President Packer. I was far more offended by the statement that being gay is disgusting, than I ever would be, were it implied that my religious leader was gay! Her paradigm demands that she see that as disgusting. I see it not as an inflammatory remark to imply such, but simply an obvious possibility based on human behavioral psychology.

Anyhow, skipping further speculation on Packer's sexual tendencies, I see Packers early comments about the family and free agency as a way to ensure that his congregation perceives homosexuality as a choice. His provision that a husband and wife may be gifted with children only in the hereafter is typical of the LDS church's advice of delaying blessings & happiness till the next life, in exchange for suffering in this one. Just as they counsel their homosexual members to live celibate lives now in order to possibly be free of these desires someday, maybe not till the next life.

When he quotes the scripture "wickedness never was happiness", he implies gays are miserable. He mixes together references to homosexuality as this "fake unnatural love" with the feelings of shame & guilt associated with pornography in order to confuse his congregation and make them fearful of homosexual relationships. Packer's switch from addictions to homosexuality & back again works to suggest to the congregation that homosexuality is somehow a bad habit or an addiction to be overcome.

When he talks about voting on natural laws, my blood really starts pumping. Gravity is indeed an irrevocable law that can not be changed, even if we were to put it to a vote. The ridiculousness of this statement is unmatched in his talk, since gravity is a proven scientific fact, demonstrable in every aspect of our daily lives. Morality however, is a fluid social agreement, based on the times we live in. For instance, it used to be moral for a Mormon man to have several wives. Currently I believe several wives is considered immoral among the Mormon leadership. Until someone can prove to me a constant, unchangeable law of morality, I won't have this conversation.

It just makes me want to cry for these manipulated children when he ends with an admonishment to repent. The entire message of fear is couched in language of parental love and concern. Well I'm not buying it!

As a personal side note, that from-the-pulpit fear mongering couched in fake love, and dripping with old-man creepiness I might add, is a large reason for my departure from regular church attendance, and a contributing factor in my decision to "resign" from their membership officially.

This sort of fear mongering and hate rhetoric fan the flames of homophobia. My 11 year old son, the same boy who gets teased for his long hair, has 3 friends. Today he came home and informed me that his parents told him he can no longer have sleep overs. His parents told him yesterday evening that sleeping over with friends led to temptations they need to protect him from. Wow.

So now we see stuff like this facebook note that very closely reflects my own feelings on Packers address, as well as fantastic official statements like this one from The Human Rights Campaign. Joe Solmonese, president of HRC says:

Words have consequences, particularly when they come from a faith leader. This is exactly the kind of statement that can lead some kids to bully and others to commit suicide. When a faith leader tells gay people that they are a mistake because God would never have made them that way and they don’t deserve love, it sends a very powerful message that violence and/or discrimination against LGBT people is acceptable. It also emotionally devastates those who are LGBT or may be struggling with their sexual orientation or gender identify. His words were not only inaccurate, they were also dangerous.

Educated LDS friends talk about how they don't agree with Packer's statements about homosexuality not being preset. I don't understand how someone can pick and choose which tenets of their gospel they can agree with. If my religious leader is preaching something that rings false to me, this is a red flag for the entire belief system in my opinion. One very telling comment touched me.

When I hear the words of President Packer, my heart hurts and I feel uncomfortable. I interpret this as a departure of the spirit. When my own leaders counsel causes this departure of the spirit, what am I to make of it?

As Duane Jennings, co-director of the Salt Lake chapter of Affirmation says... this weekends conference comments about gays are "evidence that the church hasn’t really changed, and that its positive moves [like supporting Salt Lake City’s anti-discrimination statutes] have been just an attempt to improve its image in the wake of Proposition 8.” I'm afraid of what may come from this latest log on the firey civil rights debate. I don't think we've seen the last of our losses unfortunately. And like Isaac Higham, I feel that "the blood of the innocents drips from the hands of those who strangle the life and the hope out of them through their bully pulpit." But as renown author John Krakauer extensively demonstrates in his book "Under The Banner of Heaven", the LDS church has a rich tradition of violence and separatism. Their leadership believes in the blood atonement and it could be that none of this even bothers these men.

All I can do is hope more people will feel the truth and see how false this message is. I believe that someday we will move past hate, and even past tolerance, and past acceptance, into a real and complete love of each other, for all our similarities and our differences! And I think this message of fear from President Packer is just the sort of vehicle to bring about some of that change! I have faith that at least some people will instinctively want to move away from this message of division and fear, and find something that feels closer to God, without the strings of fear and brainwashing attached. And what a wonderful thing it is, when we start our quest for a higher truth! Some beautiful journeys have just begun!

Is That The Mouth You Kiss Your Mother With?

My mommy made the most awesome dinner last night: Garlic steamed spinach greens, lemon & walnut rice pilaf and almond crusted chicken breasts. Oh it was so yummy. Later we had a little conversation about it on Skype and since I've been such a blogging deadbeat latly, I thought I'd take the easy road and share the amusement here for all to enjoy!

Wonder-Rachel says: Noah still has spinach in his mouth.
Pastry Mama says: OMG!
Wonder-Rachel says: I bet Kristiina and Mummu would like the lemon & walnut rice pilaf...
Pastry Mama says: yeah - probably......
Pastry Mama says: and Mummu would probably like it with the brown rice that is called for.
Wonder-Rachel says: Yep
Wonder-Rachel says: She loves all that shit.
Pastry Mama says: are you calling brown rice, shit?
Wonder-Rachel says: Only in the sense that anything that is a noun is in peril of being called shit by me at some point, yes.
Pastry Mama says: LMMFAO

Busted Stuff

I'm learning as I go. It would be nice if we could learn our life lessons without having to deal with the broken mess we make along the way... but I guess that's how we benefit from all this mess in the first place is when we have to deal with it.

Last week I had a brief and ugly exchange with someone I used to be related to. It wasn't something I'm particularly proud of, even though I still feel I handled things fairly well. Even feeling I had a right to stir the pot I stirred in response to a slight at me, I can admit there are aspects I would have changed. But if that was it, the whole thing would be forgotten by now.

Here's what's still got me chewing my cheek over this: Here we are in this messy life, all jumbled up together, loving and hating each other. So when something goes on between two people, wouldn't it be wonderful if it was just between the two of you? But it never is. Because we're all tied in together, we're all involved in it all. When we say and do things to someone, we say and do them to the other people who make up that portion of the web of our lives. And the things we might not regret saying, we end up regretting anyway. I may have lost another piece of my family this week.

Deed Is Done

So I got tagged in a little housekeeping photo-blog yesterday by my friend Sus. Lucky for me I didn't catch up on my reading and see it till this afternoon! Noah has been sick & needy for three days so my house is kind of a mess. But again, lucky for me, last night was my night off and I did a couple dishes! lol So I have taken the pictures, the deed is done. Now I shall post them here and then you can be sure I'll spread the love. Hehehe

The rules are to take the pictures just as they are right now. If I'd had creamer for coffee today I'd have taken pictures of an unmade bed and a girl in PJs.

1. My Kids

Like I said Noah is sick so he's a little cranky and just wants to watch Playhouse Disney shows on DVR. Dante is taking an afternoon break from his school work to keep him company while I take pictures. Yep Noah is clutching a mini-Mater in his hand. He Looooves Mater.

2. My Closet

My closet can only be seen in halves so here they are. I need more hangers. Most are holding two or more shirts each! Do you know what this many visible hanger ends says? It says We are all sleeveless shirts and we belong in California or Las Vegas!

3. My Favorite Shoes

This is SO hard. I'm a girl - I love love love shoes. But of the dozens I own, the "favorites" are probably at the top of the heap so let's have a look. You can see my Sketchers slip ons the third pair I've owned and loved since nursing school, a pair of black leather lace-up boots I got these from the Gap over 10 years ago and wear them all the time, my silver dancing shoes HAHAHA Where did those crawl out from! I don't know the last time I went dancing LOL, my tiny thin flip-flops these feel like I'm not even wearing shoes, my memory-foam slippers since I teach and work at home, I wear slippers a lot.

4. My Kitchen Sink

I'm just lucky it doesn't ask for a picture of the oven range dirty or the kitchen counter a few more dirty dishes than in the sink!

5. My Fridge

We have no light in our fridge. We replace the bulb and it burns out sounds like a bigger problem than just the bulb to me... I'm hoping for a new fridge in the next year! But with the flash on my camera you can see it all amazingly well. I should just take pictures whenever I want to see what we have!

6. My Laundry Room

as I've said before, hubby does the laundry more than I do so it's all his doing that this room isn't a complete wreck!

7. My Favorite Room

That's the bedroom hands down. I've always loved my room best. And lets face it: all the best things happen in the bedroom anyway!

8. Self Portrait

So I'm gonna tag my friend Val! Let's see it Val. Get out that camera and take some pictures. xo

So Wonder-Rachel... tell us about Mr. Right.

I got this fun Meme from my cousin at her blog:

Where did the two of you meet?

We met at The Off Broadway Theater when he was performing in Quick Wits, their original improv-comedy show.

What was the first thought that went through your head when you first met him?

Wow. He is so cute! Oh he's looking at me! smiles And oh my gosh now he's coming over here - I think he's going to talk to me!!!

Do you remember what he was wearing?

Nope. But I remember one thing I saw him in a lot in those days: his black GAP polo shirt - his uniform for bar-backing at Bricks. And I thought he looked so sexy in black.

Where did you go for your first date?

We had a late dinner at the Applebee's in Taylorsville on Redwood Road. He waited tables there at the time.

Where was the first time you kissed?

I don't remember our first kiss. It was 13 years ago and it's a little fuzzy. I do remember I wouldn't kiss him till I had broken things off with my boyfriend. Yes, I was seeing someone else that night our eyes locked in the lobby of The OBT. And said significant other was out of town so there was waiting involved! But the significant kiss I do remember is the kiss we shared about 5 years ago. After breaking up and going our separate ways almost nine years earlier, I looked him up when I was in town visiting family at easter and we met for coffee. Sitting in his jeep in a parking structure near Starbucks, we kissed just a little. He smelled the same as I remembered and I was smitten all over again.

When was the first time you realized you liked him?

Oh the first time I spent any time talking to him I knew I liked him. He's intelligent and funny and entertaining and inclusive... I liked him right off.

How long did you know him before you became a couple?

Well I guess I only knew him a few days before we started dating but we never really defined it as an exclusive relationship back in '95. Then all those years later we were seeing each other but living in different states so we weren't really a "couple" then either. I guess I would say the Las Vegas trip in Spring of 2004 was the defining moment. We had planned a weekend in Vegas since it was a good half-way point and he had friends going that particular weekend. When I got to his hotel room he pulled me inside and we commenced reunion kissing. At one point when we were pausing for air he just beamed at me and said "I love you." and at that point we decided it was kind of silly to pretend we weren't a madly-in-love-couple any longer. So I guess it was several years.

How did he propose to you?

It was so romantic. I was seriously stressed, dealing with my ex and co-parenting our son. Anthony took me out for a drive the day after Valentines Day I love that part. We ended up in the parking lot at the base of the trail up Mt. Olympus an old make-out spot for us way back in '95. It was quiet, dark, snowing, we got out to look at the lights and he pulled out a ring. It was perfect.

Do you have kids together?

Yep, we've got the toddler-tornado, and we do a pretty damn good job parenting Dante together as well.

Have you ever broken the law together?

Yes.

Do you trust him?

More than I trust myself

Do you see him as your partner in your future?

Absolutely.

What is the best gift he gave you?

It's a toss up between Noah and his patience & understanding. Yes, seriously I am that difficult to deal with!

What is one thing he does that gets on your nerves?

There's really so little... I'm sure he could come up with a long list of character flaws for me actually he should be able to come up with such a list but he probably couldn't (see previous answer), but I can only think of how he bounces his leg all the time. It bugs me when we're at our computers in the loft since it shakes the floor and feels like an earthquake, or if we're sitting next to each other it vibrates me. It's pretty trivial though! lol

Where do you see each other 15 years from now?

15 years from now we'll still be seeing each other in bed quite often. Hehehehehe

What causes the most arguments?

My short temper, hands down.

How long have you been together?

Such a tough question! I guess about five years if we don't count the mad crazy romance right after I graduated, and the 9 years apart in between...

Who Do you Tag?

Oh lets see...
Well Mr. Right of course... And how about my pal Susan if she's got the time in her busy mommy life... and maybe X wants to get personal... I'd love to hear how my sister Melanie met her husband since I wasn't around for it but her blog is private so you can't see it, I know absolutely nothing about NUGO's relationship, being as we're online-only buddies... and last but not least, I like this kind of story since I'm a hopeless romantic so I tag anyone else who reads this & wants to play! :)

The Space Between

I have this pink ceramic box that's shaped like a book. I keep spare change, a special necklace that's broken, my debit card, Drivers license, Costco card, Library card etc., scraps of paper, receipts, hair bands... It sits on a bookshelf by my bed. I came into my room and didn't notice it was missing, but I noticed Noah was missing. I looked around and didn't see him right away. Then the curtains at our sliding glass door rippled. Our bed sits about 15 inches in front of the doors and Noah loves to pace round & round the room going behind our bed in his circuit. So rather than walking around to see if he was behind the curtains as we usually do when he hides, I peeked straight over and behind the headboard - what do you think I saw?

Noah had somehow snagged it off the shelf and was checking out the contents behind my bed! As soon as he realized he'd been spotted he made a break for the open spaces of the bedroom but I cut him off. Still he was clearly very pleased with himself.

Gun Safety and Grandma

I wanted to get this posted in a timely manner since the questions I got are so pressing... or maybe I'm stalling because I've hit a rough spot in my other writing.

OGUN asks: Wonder-Rachel, what's the color of your favorite trigger-lock?

Well I guess the logical answer here would be pink. But I'm not really sure if a pink trigger-lock exists. And the trigger lock that came with my gun is blue. So I guess that's my favorite. Though thinking more about it, maybe blue should be my least favorite trigger-lock color since I really hate mine and never use it. In fact, I couldn't even tell you where it is! The thing about trigger-locks is that if a kid monkeys with it enough or if it's not on just right, the gun can go off. This is why I bought a cable lock. It's black. The revolver chamber rolls fully out of place & the cable threads right down the barrel - no chance in hell that baby's goin off.

And Sus wanted to know: When can I hear some of that hot "Rachel Sings Whitney Houston" that I remember from so long ago? :)

Alas, now I only sing in the shower. If you want to come over & hop in sometime, I'll try to remember a few bars of The Children Are Our Future. Anthony was always trying to get me to sing Karaoke when we were dating (before my awesome eBay night job)but here's the thing: The last time I sang in public was the final of many recitals Grandma Stamm made me sing in. So I sang Mozart to friends, family, neighbors & strangers at countless recitals for years. Since then no one has been able to prevail upon me in quite the way that Grandma was capable, and I have never performed since - quite happily I might add. Now I sing at home and leave the public performance to my capable and willing cousins and as always, my beautiful & talented Grandmother.

And that's all we have time for today folks.

Eight is Enough (not a smiley post)

I guess eight years is enough time to put a face on why I started hating Christmas. I could at least try to think about it in concrete terms for once. Especially since this year I've decided to stop hating it - today couldn't be a better day to say why I started.

First, in December of 2000 I moved to California. I had really stepped outside the church by this time - not just in little actions here & there, but in real thought and belief. Even after my affair, divorce, 2nd marriage & Dante's birth I still went to church pretty regularly I know, why the fuck would I bother at that point?. Maybe I was amazed & grateful that I hadn't been excommunicated after my affair with Michael. Maybe I felt some obligation to show that gratitude with further attendance. And for a long time I wasn't consciously aware yet how far off my beliefs were growing. When I went to California it was a severing. I didn't leave a forwarding address, I didn't contact my new ward, attend meetings, I was fully into my new job at that point and in CA the money was very different than in Seattle so I didn't need financial assistance from the church, even without Michael working - at all. So I very clearly walked away from the god of my girlhood days at that point. I've never taken to hypocrisy so it wouldn't be long before I started questioning the Christmas celebration & my place in it anyway.

And now the subconscious correlation of a seemingly unrelated event: Scotty, my step-dad, died eight years ago today. Which is probably the second reason I don't like Christmas much. To add to it, he loved Christmas like no one I know. He was the only parent I knew who was awake before his kids on Christmas morning & wanting to get us to the presents ASAP.

In the late 90s my family (Mom, Scotty, Jesse & I) lived in Seattle, but eventually everyone moved away: Mom was in Indiana. Jesse was in Missouri. Dad, Ramona & Kristiina were still here in Utah where I was NOT returning. Then Scotty went to California to help his sister with Betty-Grandma in 98 and I was the last one left in WA for two years. Michael, Dante & I moved to Ventura, CA on December 12, 2000 where his parents lived - 100 miles from where Scotty had moved to Westminster - just 17 days before he died.

It was unreal. I dropped the phone and walked away after my mom told me he was dead and locked myself in the bathroom. I didn't even hang up the call. I think I didn't want to acknowledge the call had even happened. It still doesn't seem real sometimes. Even a little over two years ago when I found out I was pregnant with Noah - there was a moment where my impulse was - call Scotty. He'll be so excited. It's happened a lot over the years. You get the impulse to call. Then - a couple seconds delay - then Oh yes, he's dead. And it hurts all over again. And no amount of better-place or see-him-again or he's-with-us-in-spirit or remember-the-good-times bullshit can make the pain of loss of a parent feel any better. Even eight years later. So maybe that's part of why I don't get super-excited at Christmas time.

But I'm done hating Christmas, and I'll celebrate along with everyone else. It may not be on December 25th, since Dante is always with his dad that day, but at least I promise not to try to kill Santa anymore. Maybe now that I know why I hate it so much , I'll be able to separate that event from the holiday that falls so close.

The Red & Green Xmas Survey

A few weeks ago I had begun to author an entertaining post about my decision to finally murder Santa. It went along the lines of my usual Christmas rant: I'm not Christian, I certainly don't want to celebrate the commercial aspect of the holiday... thus, exactly what am I celebrating? Anyone who knows me has heard me complain about my personal/religious/family/community conflicts surrounding the holidays. Well Anthony and I had a very intellectual and enlightened discussion about the whole thing and decided we wouldn't teach Noah about Santa. Dante is so close to figuring it all out anyway I figure now was the perfect year to murder Santa.

Then Noah learned two new words this week: Claus and Ho-Ho-Ho-Ho!

Fuck. Fine. So now I'm resigned to diving headlong into the Santa/baking/giving/celebrating aspect of the holidays foreverafter. And in my attempts to resurrect Santa and the spirit of xmas in my life, I have set a few tasks for myself. The first two are the obvious ones...

PUT UP THE TREE We have little ones, this is a necessity - so we have a tree now and it's very pretty.

BUY & WRAP PRESENTS FOR THE KIDS. Okay so that's pretty much done.
DO SOME XMAS BAKING. This helps me feel like there are some redeeming aspects of the holidays that even I, the heathen, can celebrate. I've done a bit. Hubby has been a big help. And likely I'll crank out a billion cookies after Dante leaves for CA. But this year I won't be able to send any baking with him. Not enough time. I wish I had pictures of the hot cran-apple tartlets I gave to family last night but oh well. Here are the apple-pie tartlets I made last week - good stuff!


POST THAT XMAS SURVEY. So here it is!

If you feel so inclined, gimme your own responses to any of the questions below, or paste the whole damn thing into the comments section & tell me all about yourself! lol I got this from my mom and my husband so I guess it's my turn...

1. Wrapping paper or gift bags? Wrapping paper. It takes longer, but I think it looks nicer.
2. Real tree or Artificial? We have an artificial tree we've set up each year, but I do like the smell of real trees.
3. When do you put up the tree? after December 1.
4. When do you take the tree down? A couple of days after we all open our presents. (That's never on Christmas for us - sometimes it's the first week of January. This year, December 22 but we'll likely leave the tree up till after Dante gets back on January 5!)
5. Do you like eggnog? Grocery store eggnog, yes.
6. Favorite gift received as a child? Hands down it was the My Little Pony Dream Castle.
7. Hardest person to buy for? Anthony
8. Easiest person to buy for? Dante
9. Do you have a nativity scene? Nope. My own little babies mean more to me than that one, no offense.
10. Mail or email Christmas cards? Neither. I'm terrible. I'm considering a yearly card in March since xmas means nothing to me but March is when we have all our own birthdays.
11. Worst Christmas gift you ever received? Geez I've been trying to come up with an answer to this one for days! Finally I realized I don't really have any memorable least favorite gifts! If someone cares enough to give me a fucking present, I'm damn happy to get it! That's just me.
12. Favorite Christmas Movie? A Christmas Story of course! "Fra-Gee-Lay! ...must be Italian!"
13. When do you start shopping for Christmas? When the money comes in!
14. Have you ever recycled a Christmas present? Oh yeah. Gift exchanges are great for that!
15. Favorite thing to eat at Christmas?Pot-roast, rolls & gravy!
16. Lights on your house/apartment? No lights! We've had enough broken bones thanks!
17. Favorite Christmas song? I know I know - I rail against all the CHRISTmas stuff and wonder why I celebrate since I'm not Christian, but I like Still, Still, Still and I Heard the Bells on Christmas Day
18. Travel at Christmas or stay home? Stay at home!
19. Can you name all of Santa's reindeer's? Let's see... You know Candy & Brandy & Lyric & Bunny... Destiny, Kendal & Dylan & Honey... Wait, sorry, those aren't the reindeer!
20. Angel on the tree top or a star? Star. Angels are kind of too over the top & fluffy-foo-foo.
21. Open the presents Christmas Eve or morning? Whenever the fuck I feel like it! Or whenever fits in with Dante's trip to see his dad.
22. Most annoying thing about this time of the year? All the traffic, wasted ad newspaper & needless consumption.
23. 3 Favorite ornaments? The painted puzzle piece picture frame of Dante that he made in 1st grade, Two red eggs Anthony & I got at the Bennett Grown Grand-children's xmas party and all the bows I made myself.
24. Does your tree have a theme or color? Yes it has two and it alternates each year which one it wears. This year it's in orange & gold tones. Next year, like last year, it will be in Pink. It's beautiful.
25. What do you want for Christmas this year? A hand-steamer or a pole for the playroom!

Let the feats of strength begin!

Festivus is here and the feats of strength have begun. Lately Noah does this thing where he gets into the kitchen pantry & begins pulling all our large Costco size bottles off of the bottom shelf and bringing them to us somewhere else in the house, one by one. This is no small job for a toddler of not-yet-two-years! Anthony said several nights ago: "Yeah, start hauling the bottle of Canola Oil around and then I'll be impressed kid." That's why I snapped a picture of the Feats of Strength collection that took place the very next day while he was at work. Since this picture was taken he has added two more items to his Feats of Strength: Two full 3lb jars of Jif Super Chunk peanut butter. He's a little go-getter. HAPPY FESTIVUS!

Waiting at the Window

I come from a huge family of Utah Bennetts. When I was a little girl my great grandpa Bennett was still the head of the family and each year at Christmas time there was a huge family party held at McCune Mansion. My grandpa was one of several siblings - the third son of Harold & Emily Bennett. He and my grandma had 8 kids of their own, and his brothers and sisters all had similarly large families. At this time aunts & uncles were adding cousins to my family all the time. The party was huge every year. I remember running all over that mansion, hiding and playing games, causing mischief. We had fancy dinners & wonderful programs there each year. The whole family is very talented, very outspoken and very desirous of the limelight. It was always a boisterous event. And at the end of the night Great Grandpa would always sing a few songs. When Great-Grandpa went on his mission to England in 1919 he brought home 4 song books by A A Milne, all of which are now out of print. The songs were all about Christopher Robin (which I think was A A Milne's sons name) and Great Grandpa sang them to his children as they grew up. Grandpa sang them to my mom and sometimes she'd sing them to us. But really the memories I have are of Great Grandpa Bennett singing them to us at the Bennett family Christmas party. My favorite was Waiting at the Window - a song about two drops of rain. The direction at the beginning of the music isn't legato or andante etc, it tells the performer "fast or slow - depending on which drop is winning" lol
Saturday night me & my cousins gathered at my Grandpa Bennett's house for their third annual Grown Grand children's Christmas party. Grandpa calls himself an actor who sings, not a singer who acts. And each year he has prepared a reading. Last year it was The 500 Hats of Bartholomew Cubbins (One of Seuss's few non-rhyming and oldest stories as well as Grandpas favorite). This year he had selected some poetry & I started thinking about Great Grandpa's Christopher Robin songs.
"Grandpa, can you sing?" I asked after he'd finished the poems. I told him I very much miss the song about the two drops of rain. A lot of my younger cousins looked at me like I was smoking crack. But the older ones all nodded smiling & Grandpa went to find the old tattered music book to be sure he got the words just right.
He sand Waiting at the Window and Vespers. I cried just a teeny bit. It was great. Then I kicked myself all the way home for not pulling out my camera and recording the little ditties for YouTube. I'm an idiot. But here is the poem by A A Milne for anyone interested. I wish I could post the song.


WAITING AT THE WINDOW

by A.A. Milne

These are my two drops of rain
Waiting on the window-pane.
I am waiting here to see
Which the winning one will be.

Both of them have different names.
One is John and one is James.
All the best and all the worst
Comes from which of them is first.

James has just begun to ooze.
He's the one I want to lose.
John is waiting to begin.
He's the one I want to win.

James is going slowly on.
Something sort of sticks to John.
John is moving off at last.
James is going pretty fast.

John is rushing down the pane.
James is going slow again.
James has met a sort of smear.
John is getting very near.

Is he going fast enough?
(James has found a piece of fluff.)
John has quickly hurried by.
(James was talking to a fly.)

John is there, and John has won!
Look! I told you! Here's the sun!

A Feast with the Beasts - our Thanksgiving day at Hogle Zoo

Thanksgiving day dawned gray and wet, but we had a date for a Feast with the Beasts so we bundled up and headed to Noah's favorite place: Hogle Zoo!

There, we met up with my Dad who delivered to us my cutie niece Meghan - we were without Dante (in CA again) and she was boarding with my parents for a week while my sister & her husband went on a cruise (poor suckers - Fun & sun... but no Pumpkin Stomp!) and my two other nieces stayed with a different grandma, so we thought we'd drag her along with us. I think she loved it.

So armed with umbellas, we headed for the elephant habitat, where they were said to be stomping pumkins at 10am sharp. And they were...

Apparently this is yummy stuff for elephants cuz they chowed down!

Next stop: the great apes - for yummy Thanksgiving pie (well, I didn't taste it but I'm sure it was delicious)!

And this curious little monkey got a paper mache turkey

He wasn't sure what to make of it at first. He snuck up, took a swing at the mysterious object and jumped back as it rolled off the pedestal.

Then he quickly reached inside and yanked out some chopped veggies to munch on.

Meghan was squeeling with delight over the little monkey while Noah was staring in awe of the huge orangutan in the next habitat. She was getting her own thanksgiving treats and impressing the crowd with her strength by shaking her climbing tree with all her might.

And on our way by, Meghan & I still got a peek at the orangutan.

The rhinos are always a favorite but they never seem to be close enough to get a good look at them (see Zebra shot below)!

But we got lucky on Thanksgiving and both Noah and Meghan were happy to see them munching hay so close to the observation window.

Noah even gave an excited squeely "why-wo!" to impress us.
Both mountain lions were up and pacing. I was sad Dante wasn't there to see them. They're his favorite.

Up at the Asian Highlands habitat the tigers were getting pumpkins too.

And it was SO crowded at this point, we didn't get any more pictures of the cats! But Noah managed to spend a fair amount of time with his favorite big cats:

The statues. Hehehee

Some other favorites we saw:
The giraffes,

a grassy-ass black bear,

and the aforementioned shy zebras.

A favorite we did NOT see: The Red Panda. My favorite and so shy! But it was getting cold & windy so we decided we'd had our fill. We hit the Conservation Carousel and then headed back to my parents for some turkey dinner of our own!

Happy Thanksgiving!

Precious Moments

My boys are 8 years apart but they're pretty good buds - they'll be 10 & 2 this spring. Dante goes away every month to visit his dad in California. It's been interesting and a little sad to see my baby recognize the absence and miss his "big bubba" each time Dante goes. And there is a definite change in him. I think he likes the alone time with Mommy, but I can tell he misses his brother too.

Today I called Dante to check on him since he was home alone at their condo while his dad worked. We were talking and then I said "Hey Noah, you wanna talk to Bubba?" His face lit up and he reached for the phone, grinning ear to ear. He got the phone to his ear and squeeled "Hi!" which is the first time he's ever said anything to the voice in the phone! Dante laughed and talked to him for a second and Noah answered with some long crazy baby-talk! He even said Bye when I told him to. It was so sweet - the first time he decides to really talk on the phone is with his far-away brother. I cried a teeny bit.

Finding Nemo In My Living Room (and asian cartoon warriors on my front lawn)

So I know I'm a little late with the Halloween post, but in my defense, I came down with an awful flu bug ON Halloween so I've been recovering since then and hey, I can only post so much! So the week before Halloween we took the boys (and my sister and her three girls) to Hogle Zoo for Boo at the Zoo trick or treating. It was a lot of fun, and more crowded than I've ever seen it. My husband read an article that said attendance at the zoo that day hit a record high, breaking the record set years earlier when ZCMI hosted a free-all-day event.
It wasn't a huge costume production for us: we threw their costumes on, tried to leave as many accessories at home, skipped hair & makeup and headed for the zoo. Dante was Inuyasha, Meghan (niece #1) was Mulan, Anna (niece #2) was Sleeping Beauty,

Eloise (Niece #3) was a dalmatian (who didn't like her hood very much)

and Noah was Nemo.

We didn't even worry about hair-combing. And little Anna, my spit-fire niece that reminds me so much of myself, had to wear a shirt under her off-the-shoulder Sleeping Beauty dress or flash the world her little girl chest.

It was a fun day, even if it was so crowded we could barely breathe. At least we didn't get parking tickets like so many others!

For real trick-or-treating, the kids were a bit more polished (I know the date on this picture isn't Halloween: Dante & Meghan dressed up in full regalia for the Utah Symphony event they go to each year and it was the only picture I had since Dante went to CA to see his dad again this year - like every year).
Dante wants me to post this picture because you can see his sword Tessaiga:

But I like this one better because you can see their faces:

Noah didn't love getting his face painted but he seemed to tolerate it well enough. His first night of trick-or-treating was great fun. He started to get the idea about half way through. "Okay, they give me candy and I wave bye-bye and move on to the next house for more candy. I can do that."

He got a ton of candy, most of which mysteriously disappeared while he slept (Wonder-Rachel says as she innocently wipes chocolate from her face), and I think by next year he'll know how to say "Trick or Treat" on his own.
So despite my own flu-bug misery & the near rain we had to worry about, I think the kids had a great time this year.