Wonder-Rachel has no office PC

I had to go into work today. My laptop got infected a few days ago. So today I appeared in the back corner/dungeon area occupied by our awesome IT Department. Steve spied me and asked how I was doing.

"I caught a virus" I told him.

He groaned but dutifully jumped right on my laptop and cleaned it right up - with all the typical IT awesomeness I mentioned before (Please don't confuse IT with GSD - they are both supposed to solve our technical difficulties here at work but the Global Service Desk doesn't do shit).

Anyway, still... I was just a teeny bit disappointed that when I said I caught a virus, he didn't make some crude joke about using protection. I would have - I'm so not PC.

Eight is Enough (not a smiley post)

I guess eight years is enough time to put a face on why I started hating Christmas. I could at least try to think about it in concrete terms for once. Especially since this year I've decided to stop hating it - today couldn't be a better day to say why I started.

First, in December of 2000 I moved to California. I had really stepped outside the church by this time - not just in little actions here & there, but in real thought and belief. Even after my affair, divorce, 2nd marriage & Dante's birth I still went to church pretty regularly I know, why the fuck would I bother at that point?. Maybe I was amazed & grateful that I hadn't been excommunicated after my affair with Michael. Maybe I felt some obligation to show that gratitude with further attendance. And for a long time I wasn't consciously aware yet how far off my beliefs were growing. When I went to California it was a severing. I didn't leave a forwarding address, I didn't contact my new ward, attend meetings, I was fully into my new job at that point and in CA the money was very different than in Seattle so I didn't need financial assistance from the church, even without Michael working - at all. So I very clearly walked away from the god of my girlhood days at that point. I've never taken to hypocrisy so it wouldn't be long before I started questioning the Christmas celebration & my place in it anyway.

And now the subconscious correlation of a seemingly unrelated event: Scotty, my step-dad, died eight years ago today. Which is probably the second reason I don't like Christmas much. To add to it, he loved Christmas like no one I know. He was the only parent I knew who was awake before his kids on Christmas morning & wanting to get us to the presents ASAP.

In the late 90s my family (Mom, Scotty, Jesse & I) lived in Seattle, but eventually everyone moved away: Mom was in Indiana. Jesse was in Missouri. Dad, Ramona & Kristiina were still here in Utah where I was NOT returning. Then Scotty went to California to help his sister with Betty-Grandma in 98 and I was the last one left in WA for two years. Michael, Dante & I moved to Ventura, CA on December 12, 2000 where his parents lived - 100 miles from where Scotty had moved to Westminster - just 17 days before he died.

It was unreal. I dropped the phone and walked away after my mom told me he was dead and locked myself in the bathroom. I didn't even hang up the call. I think I didn't want to acknowledge the call had even happened. It still doesn't seem real sometimes. Even a little over two years ago when I found out I was pregnant with Noah - there was a moment where my impulse was - call Scotty. He'll be so excited. It's happened a lot over the years. You get the impulse to call. Then - a couple seconds delay - then Oh yes, he's dead. And it hurts all over again. And no amount of better-place or see-him-again or he's-with-us-in-spirit or remember-the-good-times bullshit can make the pain of loss of a parent feel any better. Even eight years later. So maybe that's part of why I don't get super-excited at Christmas time.

But I'm done hating Christmas, and I'll celebrate along with everyone else. It may not be on December 25th, since Dante is always with his dad that day, but at least I promise not to try to kill Santa anymore. Maybe now that I know why I hate it so much , I'll be able to separate that event from the holiday that falls so close.

The Red & Green Xmas Survey

A few weeks ago I had begun to author an entertaining post about my decision to finally murder Santa. It went along the lines of my usual Christmas rant: I'm not Christian, I certainly don't want to celebrate the commercial aspect of the holiday... thus, exactly what am I celebrating? Anyone who knows me has heard me complain about my personal/religious/family/community conflicts surrounding the holidays. Well Anthony and I had a very intellectual and enlightened discussion about the whole thing and decided we wouldn't teach Noah about Santa. Dante is so close to figuring it all out anyway I figure now was the perfect year to murder Santa.

Then Noah learned two new words this week: Claus and Ho-Ho-Ho-Ho!

Fuck. Fine. So now I'm resigned to diving headlong into the Santa/baking/giving/celebrating aspect of the holidays foreverafter. And in my attempts to resurrect Santa and the spirit of xmas in my life, I have set a few tasks for myself. The first two are the obvious ones...

PUT UP THE TREE We have little ones, this is a necessity - so we have a tree now and it's very pretty.

BUY & WRAP PRESENTS FOR THE KIDS. Okay so that's pretty much done.
DO SOME XMAS BAKING. This helps me feel like there are some redeeming aspects of the holidays that even I, the heathen, can celebrate. I've done a bit. Hubby has been a big help. And likely I'll crank out a billion cookies after Dante leaves for CA. But this year I won't be able to send any baking with him. Not enough time. I wish I had pictures of the hot cran-apple tartlets I gave to family last night but oh well. Here are the apple-pie tartlets I made last week - good stuff!


POST THAT XMAS SURVEY. So here it is!

If you feel so inclined, gimme your own responses to any of the questions below, or paste the whole damn thing into the comments section & tell me all about yourself! lol I got this from my mom and my husband so I guess it's my turn...

1. Wrapping paper or gift bags? Wrapping paper. It takes longer, but I think it looks nicer.
2. Real tree or Artificial? We have an artificial tree we've set up each year, but I do like the smell of real trees.
3. When do you put up the tree? after December 1.
4. When do you take the tree down? A couple of days after we all open our presents. (That's never on Christmas for us - sometimes it's the first week of January. This year, December 22 but we'll likely leave the tree up till after Dante gets back on January 5!)
5. Do you like eggnog? Grocery store eggnog, yes.
6. Favorite gift received as a child? Hands down it was the My Little Pony Dream Castle.
7. Hardest person to buy for? Anthony
8. Easiest person to buy for? Dante
9. Do you have a nativity scene? Nope. My own little babies mean more to me than that one, no offense.
10. Mail or email Christmas cards? Neither. I'm terrible. I'm considering a yearly card in March since xmas means nothing to me but March is when we have all our own birthdays.
11. Worst Christmas gift you ever received? Geez I've been trying to come up with an answer to this one for days! Finally I realized I don't really have any memorable least favorite gifts! If someone cares enough to give me a fucking present, I'm damn happy to get it! That's just me.
12. Favorite Christmas Movie? A Christmas Story of course! "Fra-Gee-Lay! ...must be Italian!"
13. When do you start shopping for Christmas? When the money comes in!
14. Have you ever recycled a Christmas present? Oh yeah. Gift exchanges are great for that!
15. Favorite thing to eat at Christmas?Pot-roast, rolls & gravy!
16. Lights on your house/apartment? No lights! We've had enough broken bones thanks!
17. Favorite Christmas song? I know I know - I rail against all the CHRISTmas stuff and wonder why I celebrate since I'm not Christian, but I like Still, Still, Still and I Heard the Bells on Christmas Day
18. Travel at Christmas or stay home? Stay at home!
19. Can you name all of Santa's reindeer's? Let's see... You know Candy & Brandy & Lyric & Bunny... Destiny, Kendal & Dylan & Honey... Wait, sorry, those aren't the reindeer!
20. Angel on the tree top or a star? Star. Angels are kind of too over the top & fluffy-foo-foo.
21. Open the presents Christmas Eve or morning? Whenever the fuck I feel like it! Or whenever fits in with Dante's trip to see his dad.
22. Most annoying thing about this time of the year? All the traffic, wasted ad newspaper & needless consumption.
23. 3 Favorite ornaments? The painted puzzle piece picture frame of Dante that he made in 1st grade, Two red eggs Anthony & I got at the Bennett Grown Grand-children's xmas party and all the bows I made myself.
24. Does your tree have a theme or color? Yes it has two and it alternates each year which one it wears. This year it's in orange & gold tones. Next year, like last year, it will be in Pink. It's beautiful.
25. What do you want for Christmas this year? A hand-steamer or a pole for the playroom!

Let the feats of strength begin!

Festivus is here and the feats of strength have begun. Lately Noah does this thing where he gets into the kitchen pantry & begins pulling all our large Costco size bottles off of the bottom shelf and bringing them to us somewhere else in the house, one by one. This is no small job for a toddler of not-yet-two-years! Anthony said several nights ago: "Yeah, start hauling the bottle of Canola Oil around and then I'll be impressed kid." That's why I snapped a picture of the Feats of Strength collection that took place the very next day while he was at work. Since this picture was taken he has added two more items to his Feats of Strength: Two full 3lb jars of Jif Super Chunk peanut butter. He's a little go-getter. HAPPY FESTIVUS!

Waiting at the Window

I come from a huge family of Utah Bennetts. When I was a little girl my great grandpa Bennett was still the head of the family and each year at Christmas time there was a huge family party held at McCune Mansion. My grandpa was one of several siblings - the third son of Harold & Emily Bennett. He and my grandma had 8 kids of their own, and his brothers and sisters all had similarly large families. At this time aunts & uncles were adding cousins to my family all the time. The party was huge every year. I remember running all over that mansion, hiding and playing games, causing mischief. We had fancy dinners & wonderful programs there each year. The whole family is very talented, very outspoken and very desirous of the limelight. It was always a boisterous event. And at the end of the night Great Grandpa would always sing a few songs. When Great-Grandpa went on his mission to England in 1919 he brought home 4 song books by A A Milne, all of which are now out of print. The songs were all about Christopher Robin (which I think was A A Milne's sons name) and Great Grandpa sang them to his children as they grew up. Grandpa sang them to my mom and sometimes she'd sing them to us. But really the memories I have are of Great Grandpa Bennett singing them to us at the Bennett family Christmas party. My favorite was Waiting at the Window - a song about two drops of rain. The direction at the beginning of the music isn't legato or andante etc, it tells the performer "fast or slow - depending on which drop is winning" lol
Saturday night me & my cousins gathered at my Grandpa Bennett's house for their third annual Grown Grand children's Christmas party. Grandpa calls himself an actor who sings, not a singer who acts. And each year he has prepared a reading. Last year it was The 500 Hats of Bartholomew Cubbins (One of Seuss's few non-rhyming and oldest stories as well as Grandpas favorite). This year he had selected some poetry & I started thinking about Great Grandpa's Christopher Robin songs.
"Grandpa, can you sing?" I asked after he'd finished the poems. I told him I very much miss the song about the two drops of rain. A lot of my younger cousins looked at me like I was smoking crack. But the older ones all nodded smiling & Grandpa went to find the old tattered music book to be sure he got the words just right.
He sand Waiting at the Window and Vespers. I cried just a teeny bit. It was great. Then I kicked myself all the way home for not pulling out my camera and recording the little ditties for YouTube. I'm an idiot. But here is the poem by A A Milne for anyone interested. I wish I could post the song.


WAITING AT THE WINDOW

by A.A. Milne

These are my two drops of rain
Waiting on the window-pane.
I am waiting here to see
Which the winning one will be.

Both of them have different names.
One is John and one is James.
All the best and all the worst
Comes from which of them is first.

James has just begun to ooze.
He's the one I want to lose.
John is waiting to begin.
He's the one I want to win.

James is going slowly on.
Something sort of sticks to John.
John is moving off at last.
James is going pretty fast.

John is rushing down the pane.
James is going slow again.
James has met a sort of smear.
John is getting very near.

Is he going fast enough?
(James has found a piece of fluff.)
John has quickly hurried by.
(James was talking to a fly.)

John is there, and John has won!
Look! I told you! Here's the sun!

Bitches go down

Real Instant Message sent into my team chat room tonight, by me:
I don't usually work tonight but I always get emails that system maintenance happens Thursdays and our work tools go down.

[10:22:00 PM] Rachel says: So is this bitch gonna go down on me tonight?
[10:22:13 PM] Rachel says: The tool I mean.
[10:22:19 PM] Jake says: haha
[10:22:36 PM] Rachel says: Oh! sorry, wrong window!
[10:22:52 PM] Jake says: (rofl)
[10:24:46 PM] Jane says: LMAO

Meanwhile in the next room (or rather the window I meant to say that in):

[10:23:16 PM] Rachel says: I'm laughing so fucking hard I'm crying.
[10:23:35 PM] Rachel says: wow that was... embarrassing.
[10:23:41 PM] Maximo says: lol, what?
[10:23:45 PM] Rachel says: look in team chat.
[10:24:07 PM] Maximo says: lmfao
[10:24:18 PM] Maximo says: that's the best ever
[10:25:03 PM] Maximo says: wow
[10:25:23 PM] Maximo says: that is so awesome
[10:25:46 PM] Maximo says: my head is hurting, Rachel
[10:26:41 PM] Rachel says: I hadn't noticed it was the wrong window yet. If Jake hadn't said haha, I probably would have cracked some joke about you asking yourself the same question.
[10:27:56 PM] Maximo says: I don't think I can work the rest of the night. I seriously think I might just sit here.

Wow. I don't know what more I could possibly say to top the genius that is spontaneous-me.

Why I Hate The Snow - Episode 2

I'm one of the lucky ones. I get to work from home 9 out of every 10 shifts. Twice a month I have to go in to the office. And since I work a swing shift and my bosses are off and heading home by the time I've been there a while, I can usually drive home on my lunch break and finish the night here. So even then I still get to work the second half of my shift in PJs and then endure a ten second hallway commute to roll into bed. Ah, the good life. My window scraper has probably been used less than a dozen times since I started working from home over two years ago.

My wonderful husband is not so lucky. He gets up early every day and leaves at 7:30am to drive into the office. Then at 5pm he jumps into that commuter mess and heads home in time to see me already working and spend the rest of night playing Mr Mom while I watch & comment, confined to my office in the loft. Yep, he's an incredible man. And now that it's cold and snowy, he deserves to park his car in our garage. I mean, we've got one, why not use it for at least one of our cars? No one can fault a man for not wanting to leave his car out in this nasty weather to risk powder burial every night. But it does put me in mind of my second why I hate the snow experience of the year...

Why I Hate The Snow: The loud garage door directly under the boys' room wakes up Noah the minute his dad leaves for work in the morning and my sleep goes from seven hours down to six.

Why I Hate The Snow (the first)