Tuesday, February 24, 2009

Busted Stuff

I'm learning as I go. It would be nice if we could learn our life lessons without having to deal with the broken mess we make along the way... but I guess that's how we benefit from all this mess in the first place is when we have to deal with it.

Last week I had a brief and ugly exchange with someone I used to be related to. It wasn't something I'm particularly proud of, even though I still feel I handled things fairly well. Even feeling I had a right to stir the pot I stirred in response to a slight at me, I can admit there are aspects I would have changed. But if that was it, the whole thing would be forgotten by now.

Here's what's still got me chewing my cheek over this: Here we are in this messy life, all jumbled up together, loving and hating each other. So when something goes on between two people, wouldn't it be wonderful if it was just between the two of you? But it never is. Because we're all tied in together, we're all involved in it all. When we say and do things to someone, we say and do them to the other people who make up that portion of the web of our lives. And the things we might not regret saying, we end up regretting anyway. I may have lost another piece of my family this week.

Wednesday, February 18, 2009

Weight of the World

Being a writer this is a classification I've come to believe comes from within, as opposed to resulting from any job description, having a story inside, trying to free itself onto the paper, wanting with a life of it's own to come out into daylight feels like an obligation. I don't just want to write my stories, I need to write them.

Some stories press harder at the edges of our unconscious, desperate to come to life. I think the biggest stories are the ones that come from our own experiences, our own trials and suffering - the things we know about most intimately from our own past. I think these stories need to be told. As writers, we need to give these stories life, almost like children. It's compelling, cathartic, educational. I have so many stories in my head and heart waiting to get out and of course publication is a future goal, but completion must come first.

A friend of a friend has reached that stage. She's completed her story. I'm sure the journey was healing and illuminating and insightful for her already. But what real writer would want to stop there? Of course as I said, we strive for publication. The true birth of that baby we've nurtured for so long. Her story is intense and compelling - the story of growing up in a home where Mom was only sometimesMom. Sometimes she was someone else entirely. Reading her story, it was clear she had a heavy burden to bear. I've had my own heavy weights to carry in life, my own experiences with a mother who needed us as much as we needed her, my own story bubbling to the surface. So I know that need to bring it to life.

Tiffany is ready to give her story to the world but needs to convince publishers that readers are interested in a story from a regular not-famous girl just like anyone else. So she's posted a little bio and the first two chapters on her blog. Someday I'll be posting my own first chapter on my blog. What an exciting day that will be. I encourage you to go read her story - for your own enjoyment as well as to support another writer striving to finish her project! Go read and leave a comment to show support, post a link on your own blog encouraging others to have a look, and maybe she'll be able to get the whole book out! Finishing a book is a huge accomplishment that a lot of writers yes even unpublished, you can be a writer never reach! When one does hit this huge milestone, we should all rush to support and celebrate that achievement! Yay Tiffany - Congratulations and good luck!

Sunday, February 8, 2009

Remember Two Things

Last night I was sitting on my bed around 1am eating a Big Fat Steak Taco from Del Taco, dreading the moment I crawled into bed to go to sleep. Alone
It's strange since I slept alone for years in California and it was awesome. I loved it and really wondered if I could share my bed with Anthony when we moved in together. As much as I adore him, there was a moment in the beginning when I wondered if I could make a case for separate beds... But no more. I was not excited about going to bed alone. Probably mostly because I had no choice in the matter. When Anthony used to work Friday nights at Bricks I loved having those few hours in bed all by myself to really sprawl out and take up space. But sitting there on my bed facing the first of probably 4 nights apart, I didn't like the idea much. So I sat at the end of my bed I never sit at the end of my bed - this is just plain strange for me flipping through channels and landed for a minute on the show Going on 17.
Have you seen this show? Or one of it's predecessors? I can't remember what the show was called before but they have to keep changing it because Jim Bob & Michelle Duggar just keep having more babies!!! Well they were planning a float for the Christmas parade in this episode! And whadaya know? They want to do a live nativity! So they start building a little stable frame on a trailer, covering it, placing some bales of hay etc... They're going to tow it with this monstrous rock-band style tour bus they have. Someone gets the bright idea to decorate the bus with huge Happy Birthday Jesus banners and outline it all in Christmas lights! So they do this and at one point as Jim Bob is hooking up all the cords inside the bus, he starts to talk about the new low voltage, low heat LED lights they have this year and how much they spent on all the over 2000 lights, etc, and he said something that really got me thinking... Ready for it?
The Duggar's are going green he boasts as he tells of the lower energy usage of the LEDs etc.
And I'll tell you it blew my mind even before considering the absurdity of that statement as a father trots in and out of his huge tour bus that he uses to haul his family nineteen around in. Because in that moment I thought to myself:
And what is the carbon footprint of a whole person that lives to old age? or of 18 people that live to old age - did I mention Michelle is pregnant again? In fact I don't think I've seen her NOT pregnant in a season unless you count the episodes where she gives birth!

I am not going to make any pronouncements about how many children someone should have. But I am going to say right here for the whole world, that the Duggars are not going green.

Because this sounds fun and I don't have enough on my plate already, I think I'll add some requisite crafts to my near future! Comment and get a prize! Just because I love my readers so much. :)
This comes from my pal Sus and I thought I'd see what I get from her and try my hand at a few projects myself.

The first five people to respond to this post will get something made by me! My choice. For you. This offer does have some restrictions and limitations:

1- I make no guarantees that you will like what I make!
2- What I create will be just for you.
3- It’ll be done this year. (might be a little while)
4- You have no clue what it’s going to be. It may be a story. It may be poetry. I may draw or paint something. I may bake you something and mail it to you. Who knows? Not you, that’s for sure!
5- I reserve the right to do something extremely strange.

The catch? Oh, the catch is that you must re post this on your blog and offer the same to the first 5 people who do the same on your blog.

The first 5 people to do so and leave a comment telling me they did win a FAB-U-LOUS homemade gift by me! Oh, and be sure to post a picture of what you win when you get it!

And since a lot of my readers are non-bloggers... the first 5 non-blogger comments will also get something.
Wow. Did I just double my commitment? Oops. :)

Friday, February 6, 2009

Deed Is Done

So I got tagged in a little housekeeping photo-blog yesterday by my friend Sus. Lucky for me I didn't catch up on my reading and see it till this afternoon! Noah has been sick & needy for three days so my house is kind of a mess. But again, lucky for me, last night was my night off and I did a couple dishes! lol So I have taken the pictures, the deed is done. Now I shall post them here and then you can be sure I'll spread the love. Hehehe

The rules are to take the pictures just as they are right now. If I'd had creamer for coffee today I'd have taken pictures of an unmade bed and a girl in PJs.

1. My Kids

Like I said Noah is sick so he's a little cranky and just wants to watch Playhouse Disney shows on DVR. Dante is taking an afternoon break from his school work to keep him company while I take pictures. Yep Noah is clutching a mini-Mater in his hand. He Looooves Mater.

2. My Closet

My closet can only be seen in halves so here they are. I need more hangers. Most are holding two or more shirts each! Do you know what this many visible hanger ends says? It says We are all sleeveless shirts and we belong in California or Las Vegas!

3. My Favorite Shoes

This is SO hard. I'm a girl - I love love love shoes. But of the dozens I own, the "favorites" are probably at the top of the heap so let's have a look. You can see my Sketchers slip ons the third pair I've owned and loved since nursing school, a pair of black leather lace-up boots I got these from the Gap over 10 years ago and wear them all the time, my silver dancing shoes HAHAHA Where did those crawl out from! I don't know the last time I went dancing LOL, my tiny thin flip-flops these feel like I'm not even wearing shoes, my memory-foam slippers since I teach and work at home, I wear slippers a lot.

4. My Kitchen Sink

I'm just lucky it doesn't ask for a picture of the oven range dirty or the kitchen counter a few more dirty dishes than in the sink!

5. My Fridge

We have no light in our fridge. We replace the bulb and it burns out sounds like a bigger problem than just the bulb to me... I'm hoping for a new fridge in the next year! But with the flash on my camera you can see it all amazingly well. I should just take pictures whenever I want to see what we have!

6. My Laundry Room

as I've said before, hubby does the laundry more than I do so it's all his doing that this room isn't a complete wreck!

7. My Favorite Room

That's the bedroom hands down. I've always loved my room best. And lets face it: all the best things happen in the bedroom anyway!

8. Self Portrait

So I'm gonna tag my friend Val! Let's see it Val. Get out that camera and take some pictures. xo

Wednesday, February 4, 2009

So Wonder-Rachel... tell us about Mr. Right.

I got this fun Meme from my cousin at her blog:

Where did the two of you meet?
We met at The Off Broadway Theater when he was performing in Quick Wits, their original improv-comedy show.

What was the first thought that went through your head when you first met him?
Wow. He is so cute! Oh he's looking at me! smiles And oh my gosh now he's coming over here - I think he's going to talk to me!!!

Do you remember what he was wearing?
Nope. But I remember one thing I saw him in a lot in those days: his black GAP polo shirt - his uniform for bar-backing at Bricks. And I thought he looked so sexy in black.

Where did you go for your first date?
We had a late dinner at the Applebee's in Taylorsville on Redwood Road. He waited tables there at the time.

Where was the first time you kissed?
I don't remember our first kiss. It was 13 years ago and it's a little fuzzy. I do remember I wouldn't kiss him till I had broken things off with my boyfriend. Yes, I was seeing someone else that night our eyes locked in the lobby of The OBT. And said significant other was out of town so there was waiting involved! But the significant kiss I do remember is the kiss we shared about 5 years ago. After breaking up and going our separate ways almost nine years earlier, I looked him up when I was in town visiting family at easter and we met for coffee. Sitting in his jeep in a parking structure near Starbucks, we kissed just a little. He smelled the same as I remembered and I was smitten all over again.

When was the first time you realized you liked him?
Oh the first time I spent any time talking to him I knew I liked him. He's intelligent and funny and entertaining and inclusive... I liked him right off.

How long did you know him before you became a couple?
Well I guess I only knew him a few days before we started dating but we never really defined it as an exclusive relationship back in '95. Then all those years later we were seeing each other but living in different states so we weren't really a "couple" then either. I guess I would say the Las Vegas trip in Spring of 2004 was the defining moment. We had planned a weekend in Vegas since it was a good half-way point and he had friends going that particular weekend. When I got to his hotel room he pulled me inside and we commenced reunion kissing. At one point when we were pausing for air he just beamed at me and said "I love you." and at that point we decided it was kind of silly to pretend we weren't a madly-in-love-couple any longer. So I guess it was several years.

How did he propose to you?
It was so romantic. I was seriously stressed, dealing with my ex and co-parenting our son. Anthony took me out for a drive the day after Valentines Day I love that part. We ended up in the parking lot at the base of the trail up Mt. Olympus an old make-out spot for us way back in '95. It was quiet, dark, snowing, we got out to look at the lights and he pulled out a ring. It was perfect.

Do you have kids together?
Yep, we've got the toddler-tornado, and we do a pretty damn good job parenting Dante together as well.

Have you ever broken the law together?

Do you trust him?
More than I trust myself

Do you see him as your partner in your future?

What is the best gift he gave you?
It's a toss up between Noah and his patience & understanding. Yes, seriously I am that difficult to deal with!

What is one thing he does that gets on your nerves?
There's really so little... I'm sure he could come up with a long list of character flaws for me actually he should be able to come up with such a list but he probably couldn't (see previous answer), but I can only think of how he bounces his leg all the time. It bugs me when we're at our computers in the loft since it shakes the floor and feels like an earthquake, or if we're sitting next to each other it vibrates me. It's pretty trivial though! lol

Where do you see each other 15 years from now?
15 years from now we'll still be seeing each other in bed quite often. Hehehehehe

What causes the most arguments?
My short temper, hands down.

How long have you been together?
Such a tough question! I guess about five years if we don't count the mad crazy romance right after I graduated, and the 9 years apart in between...

Who Do you Tag?
Oh lets see...
Well Mr. Right of course... And how about my pal Susan if she's got the time in her busy mommy life... and maybe X wants to get personal... I'd love to hear how my sister Melanie met her husband since I wasn't around for it but her blog is private so you can't see it, I know absolutely nothing about NUGO's relationship, being as we're online-only buddies... and last but not least, I like this kind of story since I'm a hopeless romantic so I tag anyone else who reads this & wants to play! :)

Monday, February 2, 2009

The Space Between

I have this pink ceramic box that's shaped like a book. I keep spare change, a special necklace that's broken, my debit card, Drivers license, Costco card, Library card etc., scraps of paper, receipts, hair bands... It sits on a bookshelf by my bed. I came into my room and didn't notice it was missing, but I noticed Noah was missing. I looked around and didn't see him right away. Then the curtains at our sliding glass door rippled. Our bed sits about 15 inches in front of the doors and Noah loves to pace round & round the room going behind our bed in his circuit. So rather than walking around to see if he was behind the curtains as we usually do when he hides, I peeked straight over and behind the headboard - what do you think I saw?

Noah had somehow snagged it off the shelf and was checking out the contents behind my bed! As soon as he realized he'd been spotted he made a break for the open spaces of the bedroom but I cut him off. Still he was clearly very pleased with himself.