Tuesday I came home from the Ped's with the boys and there was an evil baby spider lurking between my doorknob and door frame. It peered at me with tiny little beady eyes (I say tiny but really how tiny could they have been if I was able to see them?!) He was dark and hairy with an orange spot. He had little chomper fangs - ew I shiver just thinking of the little menace now.
Well obviously I didn't want to get my hand near him so I kind of kicked at the door a little bit. This was a brilliant idea (as far as safety of the SPIDER is concerned) since my foot is far too large to get between the knob and the frame, and he is far too small to be squashed by a huge athletic shoe banging against the doorknob far above his head. So I settled for alarming him with my furious foot-banging until he ran down the door - to get away from the noise I think. Then I grabbed the knob, opened my door (to make more room for my big foot on the small door-step) and began a vigorous stomping campaign. Stomp and miss. STOMP! - and another miss. Now he was making a break for the edge of the porch! I could see him running for the shelter of the railing and the bush. One more quick as lightening STOMP right at the edge of my porch... But oh so sad for me - the spider hater - not fast enough. He was down over the side and safe in the shadows.
Yesterday I came back from the Gyn's (yes it was a week of Drs appointments here at our house) and who is there to greet me? My nemesis the hairy evil baby spider. Hangin' out between the knob and the frame again! Oh. I. don't. think. so! I grabbed a vine from the bush that's constantly trying to choke our porch railing, yanked on it to get a little slack, and started sweeping at the mini-monster. He dropped to the ground in a hurry, surely hoping for another amazing escape. But this was just what I waited for. I was poised and ready for anything he could throw at me! And then he wiggled under my door and into my house! Damnit NOOOO! I threw the door open and he scuttled back out. STOMP! He was nowhere to be seen, surely under my shoe THIS time. I dragged my Sketcher along the porch and exposed a sticky streak of former spider. YES! I WIN!
And so ends the tale of the spider in Wonder-Rachel's door.
eBay Feedback Funniness
14 years ago
HAA! I love it. You know he was just taunting you. Daring you to do something. I'm glad you victorious honey! That spider might have bit your arm off. :D
ReplyDeleteI can almost hear the superhero music in the background.
ReplyDeleteThe worst insect experience for me was when we lived in Phoenix, a second floor apartment. There was this big, nasty ol' bug in our living room and I managed to sneak it onto a newspaper. My plan was to walk slowly to the door while it was still on the newspaper and throw it outside. Well, I got all the way to the door and figured I may as well get rid of that bad boy for good. So, I leaned over the balcony and shook it off the newspaper. I watched it fall on the barbecue grill of the people who lived beneath us. Yum.