Looking Beyond The Nest

I'm working on my next book and as a little preliminary research, I've put together an informal survey for mothers of children who are ALL five years or older.  If you fall into this category, I'd love to get your anonymous response to a few questions...
http://kwiksurveys.com/s.asp?sid=vukgs87b1bta2hp23504

Here's to the Mamas!

I'm working on my next book and as a little preliminary research, I've put together an informal survey for women who are CURRENTLY raising small children (under age five).  If you fall into this category, I'd love to get your anonymous response to a few questions...
http://kwiksurveys.com/s.asp?sid=gvyrh72ggdnqwlm23448

For the Footloose & Kid-Free Among Us...

I'm working on my next book and as a little preliminary research, I've put together an informal survey for women who haven't had children at this point in their lives.  If you fall into that category, I'd love to get your anonymous response to a few questions...
http://kwiksurveys.com/s.asp?sid=kxrdcho8c2hax9123386

How Can We Bring About Positive Change from the LDS Conference Rhetoric?

I'm so alarmed by the recent rash of suicides among the LGBT youth in America, and after this weekend, living in Salt Lake and being fully exposed to the information disseminated at this weekends General Conference, I'm very sad that the leaders of the LDS church, the default religious leaders of my community, are still encouraging division among brothers & sisters. It's just so wrong! And so I, like so many others, am once again driven to speak out about my own feelings.

The widespread dissatisfaction with the LDS church leadership I am currently witnessing is not a new phenomena. It's been this way since the very inception of the LDS church - the public at large didn't like what Joseph Smith was doing with his new religion & congregation. This disapproval (though it was mostly disapproval at what Joseph Smiths did with others' wives and various con jobs he was wrapping up on the side) is what led to the mobs that drove the Mormons from every city they settled in until they ultimately turned to the inhospitable Salt Lake valley. Surely there have been spikes in the negative public image at various points in history. Things were pretty bad back in 1978 just before blacks were gifted with the priesthood through a new revelation. Certainly things have been heated since Proposition 8 came along, thrusting the involvement of individual members (at the encouragement of church officials from the pulpit) into the limelight. So this recent rash of youth suicides I mentioned...  It has brought this newest chapter in the long civil rights path of our young country to a head once again.

Justin Aaberg, 15, Anoka, Minn., July 9, 2010
Billy Lucas, 15, Greensburg, Ind., Sept. 9, 2010
Seth Walsh, 13, Tehachapi, Calif., Sept. 19, 2010
Tyler Clementi, 18, Ridgewood, N.J., Sept. 22, 2010
Asher Brown, 13, Cypress, Texas, Sept. 23, 2010
Raymond Chase, 19, Monticello, N.Y., Sept. 29, 2010

Children are killing themselves because they are alienated from their peers in every way.  And their peers alienate them because their own parents and leaders have taught them to fear and scorn anyone that is different from them.  And this back-to-school trend is absolutely not the beginning of youth suicides.  I got a mailing from the Human Rights Campaign that talked about the suicide of Carl Joseph Walker-Hoover, an 11 year old Massachusetts boy in 2009, due to bullying because he "acted like a girl". There are so many. It's truly tragic and alarming. My own 11 year old son is the victim of bullying and ridicule at school this year, simply because he has long hair. Kids call him a girl and tease him mercilessly, just because of their perceptions about sexuality!

This weekend was the LDS church's fall session of their General Conference. This is an opportunity for the membership to hear messages from the top leadership of the church. And as is typical at this time each year, things are heating up. I've read a few news articles yesterday and today, excerpting Boyd K Packer's talk, but after several LDS members claimed his message is being taken out of context, I decided to listen to the entire talk on the church's own website lds.org.
Packer begins by proclaiming the fear and confusion facing the young people of the church today. He refers to the churches revelation "The Family: A Proclamation to the World", issued 15 years ago. He quotes it in part by reading the following:

We, the First Presidency and the Council of the Twelve Apostles of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, solemnly proclaim that marriage between a man and a woman is ordained of God and that the family is central to the Creator's plan for the eternal destiny of His children.

He then further quotes LDS scripture to define union between a man and woman as a commandment from God. He goes on to discuss the concept of free agency, so prevalent in this religion. He talks about how sacred is our ability to create life. He talks about obedience and prayer. He promises that an obedient, willing & prayerful husband and wife will be gifted with children, happiness & a personal relationship with God. These blessings, including children, may come now or in the hereafter. He also stipulates that "pure love presupposes that only after a pledge of eternal fidelity, a legal & lawful ceremony and ideally after a sealing ordinance in the temple, are those life giving powers released to the full expression of love. It is to be shared only and solely between a man & woman, husband and wife with that one who is our companion forever." He warns that Satan is miserable and impotent, and that he can not stand any happiness and seeks to tempt us to sin and therefore, into misery. He likens pornography to a plague, "relentlessly trying to invade every home mostly through the husband and father". He talks about the spiritual fatality caused by this plague. He then promises that the priesthood can protect us from this plague, or any other bad habits and addictions. He warns parents to protect their families from these plagues. He warns not to succumb to these counterfeits for marriage. His next quote lays out exactly how he feels about homosexual tendencies, and the italicized portion is the quote which has sparked so much upset and so many claims of being taken out of context.

Any persuasion to enter into any relationship that is not in harmony with the principles of the gospel must be wrong. In the Book of Mormon we learn that wickedness never was happiness. Some suppose that they were preset and cannot overcome what they feel are inborn tendencies toward the impure and the unnatural . Not so. Why would our heavenly father do that to anyone? Remember, he is our father."

He quotes more scripture and goes back to talk of breaking addictions through the power of the priesthood. Then he goes on to tell a story of a child who brought a kitten to class with him. the children asked if the kitten was a boy or a girl and the teacher quickly asserted that it didn't matter. But the children persisted and finally one boy said he knew how to tell - they could vote on it!

You may laugh at the story. But if we're not alert, there are those today who not only tolerate but advocate voting to change laws that would legalize immorality, as if a vote would somehow alter the designs of Gods laws & nature. A law against nature would be impossible to enforce. For instance what good would a vote against the law of gravity do? There are both moral & physical laws, irrevocably decreed in heaven before the foundation of the world that cannot be changed."

He warns that if the membership does not protect the LDS idea of family, the very foundation of civilization will be threatened. He begins to wrap up his address with a message of repentance for your unworthy habits and addictions. He promises peace & happiness for families who are obedient to these laws.

Now, after going over the entire address, I can safely say nothing is taken out of context. With that in mind, here's what I think of his words. I've noticed that President Packer tends toward this theme. He harps on homosexuality, intellectuals, feminists, morality, pornography, etc. I wonder what sins he sees in himself that make him so fearful of these things. In a facebook note linked below the comments suggest Packer is gay and another commenter, a church member, is insulted at the "disgusting things" implied about President Packer. I was far more offended by the statement that being gay is disgusting, than I ever would be, were it implied that my religious leader was gay! Her paradigm demands that she see that as disgusting. I see it not as an inflammatory remark to imply such, but simply an obvious possibility based on human behavioral psychology.

Anyhow, skipping further speculation on Packer's sexual tendencies, I see Packers early comments about the family and free agency as a way to ensure that his congregation perceives homosexuality as a choice. His provision that a husband and wife may be gifted with children only in the hereafter is typical of the LDS church's advice of delaying blessings & happiness till the next life, in exchange for suffering in this one. Just as they counsel their homosexual members to live celibate lives now in order to possibly be free of these desires someday, maybe not till the next life.

When he quotes the scripture "wickedness never was happiness", he implies gays are miserable. He mixes together references to homosexuality as this "fake unnatural love" with the feelings of shame & guilt associated with pornography in order to confuse his congregation and make them fearful of homosexual relationships. Packer's switch from addictions to homosexuality & back again works to suggest to the congregation that homosexuality is somehow a bad habit or an addiction to be overcome.

When he talks about voting on natural laws, my blood really starts pumping. Gravity is indeed an irrevocable law that can not be changed, even if we were to put it to a vote. The ridiculousness of this statement is unmatched in his talk, since gravity is a proven scientific fact, demonstrable in every aspect of our daily lives. Morality however, is a fluid social agreement, based on the times we live in. For instance, it used to be moral for a Mormon man to have several wives. Currently I believe several wives is considered immoral among the Mormon leadership. Until someone can prove to me a constant, unchangeable law of morality, I won't have this conversation.

It just makes me want to cry for these manipulated children when he ends with an admonishment to repent. The entire message of fear is couched in language of parental love and concern. Well I'm not buying it!

As a personal side note, that from-the-pulpit fear mongering couched in fake love, and dripping with old-man creepiness I might add, is a large reason for my departure from regular church attendance, and a contributing factor in my decision to "resign" from their membership officially.

This sort of fear mongering and hate rhetoric fan the flames of homophobia. My 11 year old son, the same boy who gets teased for his long hair, has 3 friends. Today he came home and informed me that his parents told him he can no longer have sleep overs. His parents told him yesterday evening that sleeping over with friends led to temptations they need to protect him from. Wow.

So now we see stuff like this facebook note that very closely reflects my own feelings on Packers address, as well as fantastic official statements like this one from The Human Rights Campaign. Joe Solmonese, president of HRC says:

Words have consequences, particularly when they come from a faith leader. This is exactly the kind of statement that can lead some kids to bully and others to commit suicide. When a faith leader tells gay people that they are a mistake because God would never have made them that way and they don’t deserve love, it sends a very powerful message that violence and/or discrimination against LGBT people is acceptable. It also emotionally devastates those who are LGBT or may be struggling with their sexual orientation or gender identify. His words were not only inaccurate, they were also dangerous.

Educated LDS friends talk about how they don't agree with Packer's statements about homosexuality not being preset. I don't understand how someone can pick and choose which tenets of their gospel they can agree with. If my religious leader is preaching something that rings false to me, this is a red flag for the entire belief system in my opinion. One very telling comment touched me.

When I hear the words of President Packer, my heart hurts and I feel uncomfortable. I interpret this as a departure of the spirit. When my own leaders counsel causes this departure of the spirit, what am I to make of it?

As Duane Jennings, co-director of the Salt Lake chapter of Affirmation says... this weekends conference comments about gays are "evidence that the church hasn’t really changed, and that its positive moves [like supporting Salt Lake City’s anti-discrimination statutes] have been just an attempt to improve its image in the wake of Proposition 8.” I'm afraid of what may come from this latest log on the firey civil rights debate. I don't think we've seen the last of our losses unfortunately. And like Isaac Higham, I feel that "the blood of the innocents drips from the hands of those who strangle the life and the hope out of them through their bully pulpit." But as renown author John Krakauer extensively demonstrates in his book "Under The Banner of Heaven", the LDS church has a rich tradition of violence and separatism. Their leadership believes in the blood atonement and it could be that none of this even bothers these men.

All I can do is hope more people will feel the truth and see how false this message is. I believe that someday we will move past hate, and even past tolerance, and past acceptance, into a real and complete love of each other, for all our similarities and our differences! And I think this message of fear from President Packer is just the sort of vehicle to bring about some of that change! I have faith that at least some people will instinctively want to move away from this message of division and fear, and find something that feels closer to God, without the strings of fear and brainwashing attached. And what a wonderful thing it is, when we start our quest for a higher truth! Some beautiful journeys have just begun!

Current Projects

I know I haven't posted on here in a while. Either that means "my crazy life" just isn't quite crazy enough to be post-worthy, or it's too crazy to get around to posting. I'm not sure which. But I AM writing regularly these days and if you'd like to follow me there, you can check it out here. Right now I'm covering the current season of Dancing With The Stars and having a great time. I've got bigger plans so I'll keep you posted as things develop!

Is God part of The Grand Design?

In "The Grand Design," by eminent British theoretical physicist Stephen Hawking and U.S. physicist Leonard Mlodinow, Hawking asserts that a new series of theories makes a creator of the universe redundant, according to the Times newspaper which published extracts on Thursday.

"Because there is a law such as gravity, the universe can and will create itself from nothing. Spontaneous creation is the reason there is something rather than nothing, why the universe exists, why we exist," Hawking writes.

"It is not necessary to invoke God to light the blue touch paper and set the universe going."

He refers to the 1992 discovery of a planet orbiting a star other than our sun when discussing the possibility of a creator. "That makes the coincidences of our planetary conditions -- the single Sun, the lucky combination of Earth-Sun distance and solar mass, far less remarkable, and far less compelling evidence that the Earth was carefully designed just to please us human beings,"

These simple elegant statements are opening my mind up wide. I'm getting more and more Atheist by the minute! Hahaha Okay not exactly. But I am more and more comfortable letting go of the idea of a father/God figure, so similar to the Mormon God I was raised with. And stated so simply, it is all so clear to me that there was no need for a God in the creation of the universe. I never bought the "created in 7 days/6000 year old universe" theory, and I never bought the premise that God zapped Adam & Eve into being like magic. I was always much more comfortable with the idea that God worked with the laws of science & nature to facilitate the creation of our world over time. But this was an unexamined premise that only lived vaguely in my mind. And when I do examine it more closely, things don't fit together quite right. If God existed before anything, out in the ether of space, floating in the darkness, and God created all the universe... well then we aren't on the same evolutionary path and we'll never progress to where God is now. And that just doesn't feel true to me. I don't know, but I feel the rightness of the idea that we continually evolve and progress. There may or may not be a god in some form or another. I definitely don't think there is an old man, clothed in white robes, watching over us all, keeping a tally of our good and bad choices every second of every day. And while it feels like my beliefs have been unconsciously drifting this way for some time, bringing these thoughts into the light now, I definitely agree more and more that is is unlikely a supreme being set the creation of the universe in motion. What do you think?

TV Mania

Inspired by Sus I thought I'd throw a little blog out there - something simple. A list of the TV shows I'm currently hooked on.

Dancing With The Stars
Dexter
Flashforward
Jamie Oliver's Food Revolution
Nurse Jackie
Secret Diary of a Call Girl
The Tudors
United States of Tara
Weeds
Who Do You Think You Are

2010: The Year of Miracles

This week my husband and I are starting a 10 week seminar to continue the work we started in our Landmark Forum. Landmark was pretty amazing for me, simply because it helped me open my eyes about all the non personal things I was taking personally (Okay that's a super-simplification, but all the same, it was great for me.)

The seminar leader told me last fall that he is calling 2010 the year of miracles. I could use some miracles this year! I see amazing things coming our way this year, really. But I definitely have some work to do. So in the spirit of the new year, I've decided to reevaluate the tasks I refuse to compromise on, as well as set a couple new goals to work on.

The last time I reevaluated my tasks, I came up with these three: Listen to my Seed Capital CDs (a set of instructional discs I really needed to listen to), workout on my lunch break and update the wiki my ex-husband and I use to communicate regarding our sons homeschool progress. I had set a standard for myself that I would be bigger than any of my reasons or excuses and do each of those things every single work-day. And my goals served me very well. Until I left eBay in November, I was very good about keeping my commitments. But now that I've finished the CDs (several times) and am no longer at eBay, I think they need a little retooling.

So what am I going to be unreasonable about now? What will I do each day no matter what kind of small reason (read: excuses excuses) comes to mind? Well, my larger goals tend to influence my daily tasks since I like to look at the overall things I want to accomplish, then break them down by what I need to do each day in order to reach my goals.

So what are my big-picture goals? Hm... that's a good question.
I'm in the middle of my clutter-purging project, so it would be great to get the main floor of my house done in the near future. It would also be nice to have all the walls painted. Right now, we have a room here or there done, but completion would be awesome.

I still have my book half done. And of course it's not going to finish itself!

We started a new school curriculum late this year so we will likely finish in mid-July unless I can really steam through all this material with Dante. That includes not missing any available school days, not having any "light" days with fewer lessons, and skipping anything optional or redundant. Dante's language arts skills are a bit below where they could be so he tested into LA4 instead of LA5 (he's in 5th grade this year). But that means, while a lot of it is new to him, several of the lessons are on things he already knows. So we should be able to complete the rest of it in time for his summer break if I can keep us on task all year.

To clean up our house, we broke it down into small sections and assigned one section to be cleaned and organized each day. A shelf, a table, a dresser drawer etc. So Anthony and I are going to do the same for the main floor - split it into manageable portions and do them one day at a time. Sometimes it's hard to just keep up with the regular dishes, laundry, toys etc that need picking up each day, but I'm going to give up all my reasons and excuses and make sure the one assigned extra thing gets done each day. Before March, my house will be ready for painting.

I'm going to write 20 minutes every day, no excuses.

I'm going to be uncompromising on our school lessons each day. If the lesson is scheduled, it will be completed. By mid-June we'll have well over 80% completed and can easily move on to the next levels in the fall He's starting 6th grade math this month already so that's one I don't need to worry about, and Science and History are on track - I just wish there was a way to catch him up in his LA courses... I'll continue to think on that but at least we can ensure that despite our late start last fall, he will be ready for summer break on time!

I also want to join my husband in one of his goals. He exercises with Dante a lot of days but we also do yoga pretty regularly and I think any night he does yoga, I'll join him in that. It's good for me and I love it.

Also, there are a couple of social events my BFF and I have begun to organize pretty regularly and I'd really like to continue with those. So I want to commit to continuing the monthly dinner-party we've been hosting over here, as well as organizing the next of our Mutual Facebook Friends Girls Brunch. It seemed kind of a trivial goal to me at first, but I am naturally a homebody and pushing myself to spend time with my larger social circle is really good for me emotionally.

It really is going to take a small miracle to get my closet cleaned out, but I'm ready for the challenge!

So here's my list:

1. Complete 1 task beyond the usual house-cleaning chores each day.
2. Write 20 minutes on my manuscript each day.
3. Complete each days scheduled lessons in History, Science and Language Arts.
4. Join Anthony for Yoga.
5. Continue to organize a dinner party each month and plan our brunches for January April, July and October.

There are some things that may seem to be missing from my list. For instance: we wanted to move out of this house a while ago but things seem to be moving more slowly than we would like and at this point it feels more reasonable to work at being ready to move (all this house cleaning and painting is really a step in that direction) and just take it when it comes.

It's going to be a good year!!!

Is That The Mouth You Kiss Your Mother With?

My mommy made the most awesome dinner last night: Garlic steamed spinach greens, lemon & walnut rice pilaf and almond crusted chicken breasts. Oh it was so yummy. Later we had a little conversation about it on Skype and since I've been such a blogging deadbeat latly, I thought I'd take the easy road and share the amusement here for all to enjoy!

Wonder-Rachel says: Noah still has spinach in his mouth.
Pastry Mama says: OMG!
Wonder-Rachel says: I bet Kristiina and Mummu would like the lemon & walnut rice pilaf...
Pastry Mama says: yeah - probably......
Pastry Mama says: and Mummu would probably like it with the brown rice that is called for.
Wonder-Rachel says: Yep
Wonder-Rachel says: She loves all that shit.
Pastry Mama says: are you calling brown rice, shit?
Wonder-Rachel says: Only in the sense that anything that is a noun is in peril of being called shit by me at some point, yes.
Pastry Mama says: LMMFAO

Why I Hate The Snow (F words involved)

FUCK! I never should have posted yesterday and now the universe is punishing me!

Would you like to know the next weeks forecast?
Today: Blowing Snow
Monday: Snow Showers
Tuesday: Chance of Snow
Wednesday: Chance of Snow
Thursday: Rain and Snow
Friday: Rain and Snow
Saturday: Rain and Snow

Reason number whatever why I hate the snow: Because snow's a fucking bitch with a sick sense of humor! Gr.

Why I (don't always) Hate The Snow

There are exactly 2 times I like snow. If snow comes in any other forms I curse it with the mouth of the foulest sailor and I despise it with all my heart.

One form of acceptable snow is only possible on one day each year. This is obviously Christmas snow. Despite my issues with Christmas, I still celebrate and even I would rather it be white.

The second form of acceptable snow came today in Salt Lake City and some may say isn't actually snow in the way I seem to be saying, but let me remind you this is my blog and I can say whatever I want. Today it was 60 degrees. The sky was a beautiful blue backdrop, the sun was shining, and the mountains jutted into the air: dark and jagged, dusted with crisp white snow the only place snow stays white. And I was driving: windows down, t-shirt on, radio blasting my favorite way to drive

Now I have to post this so I can shut everything down for Earth Hour! :)

Happy Birthday to Me

So I'm beginning to question my sanity after agreeing to do this 50,000 word writing project in March. My boys turned 10 and 2 this week and today I'm 32! You have no idea how many birthday cakes are being baked in this house this week! But I'm pressing on and it's going well. I'm behind but not too badly.
I thought I shouldn't let my birthday go by without posting - even though there's no way I can actually crank out a meaningful post today! I will tell you though that I have several blogs in me, waiting to get out:

1. The story of Bear and the cream of coconut
2. The story of Bear and the toilet swim.
3. The coconut cream tart escapade (boy am I glad I didn't do those, only helped a little),
and of course
4. Stuff about all the birthdays this month!

So there you have it. Now I have to get my kid to piano lessons and get going on all this birthday cake baking! I'll be back in April!

A Dream So Real

Some of you may know my sister invited me to join her in National Novel Writing Month (four months after the fact) and I agreed to also write a 50,000 word novel by the end of March. It's been an interesting beginning, I'm very optimistic, and only a tiny bit behind so far.

But I've decided a good way to be a little more accountable for my writing is to do as my sister is doing and update my blog daily with a word count of how much I'm writing. Please ask me how it's going, check for updates etc. I need the encouragement.

3/1: goal-1670 actual-1774
3/2: goal-1670 actual-1708
3/3: goal-1670 actual-634
3/4: goal-1670 actual-0
3/5: goal-1670 actual-0
3/6: goal-1670 actual-4226
3/7: goal-1670 actual-1020

week 1: goal-11,690 actual-9362

Busted Stuff

I'm learning as I go. It would be nice if we could learn our life lessons without having to deal with the broken mess we make along the way... but I guess that's how we benefit from all this mess in the first place is when we have to deal with it.

Last week I had a brief and ugly exchange with someone I used to be related to. It wasn't something I'm particularly proud of, even though I still feel I handled things fairly well. Even feeling I had a right to stir the pot I stirred in response to a slight at me, I can admit there are aspects I would have changed. But if that was it, the whole thing would be forgotten by now.

Here's what's still got me chewing my cheek over this: Here we are in this messy life, all jumbled up together, loving and hating each other. So when something goes on between two people, wouldn't it be wonderful if it was just between the two of you? But it never is. Because we're all tied in together, we're all involved in it all. When we say and do things to someone, we say and do them to the other people who make up that portion of the web of our lives. And the things we might not regret saying, we end up regretting anyway. I may have lost another piece of my family this week.

Weight of the World

Being a writer this is a classification I've come to believe comes from within, as opposed to resulting from any job description, having a story inside, trying to free itself onto the paper, wanting with a life of it's own to come out into daylight feels like an obligation. I don't just want to write my stories, I need to write them.

Some stories press harder at the edges of our unconscious, desperate to come to life. I think the biggest stories are the ones that come from our own experiences, our own trials and suffering - the things we know about most intimately from our own past. I think these stories need to be told. As writers, we need to give these stories life, almost like children. It's compelling, cathartic, educational. I have so many stories in my head and heart waiting to get out and of course publication is a future goal, but completion must come first.

A friend of a friend has reached that stage. She's completed her story. I'm sure the journey was healing and illuminating and insightful for her already. But what real writer would want to stop there? Of course as I said, we strive for publication. The true birth of that baby we've nurtured for so long. Her story is intense and compelling - the story of growing up in a home where Mom was only sometimesMom. Sometimes she was someone else entirely. Reading her story, it was clear she had a heavy burden to bear. I've had my own heavy weights to carry in life, my own experiences with a mother who needed us as much as we needed her, my own story bubbling to the surface. So I know that need to bring it to life.

Tiffany is ready to give her story to the world but needs to convince publishers that readers are interested in a story from a regular not-famous girl just like anyone else. So she's posted a little bio and the first two chapters on her blog. Someday I'll be posting my own first chapter on my blog. What an exciting day that will be. I encourage you to go read her story - for your own enjoyment as well as to support another writer striving to finish her project! Go read and leave a comment to show support, post a link on your own blog encouraging others to have a look, and maybe she'll be able to get the whole book out! Finishing a book is a huge accomplishment that a lot of writers yes even unpublished, you can be a writer never reach! When one does hit this huge milestone, we should all rush to support and celebrate that achievement! Yay Tiffany - Congratulations and good luck!

Remember Two Things

FIRST
Last night I was sitting on my bed around 1am eating a Big Fat Steak Taco from Del Taco, dreading the moment I crawled into bed to go to sleep. Alone
It's strange since I slept alone for years in California and it was awesome. I loved it and really wondered if I could share my bed with Anthony when we moved in together. As much as I adore him, there was a moment in the beginning when I wondered if I could make a case for separate beds... But no more. I was not excited about going to bed alone. Probably mostly because I had no choice in the matter. When Anthony used to work Friday nights at Bricks I loved having those few hours in bed all by myself to really sprawl out and take up space. But sitting there on my bed facing the first of probably 4 nights apart, I didn't like the idea much. So I sat at the end of my bed I never sit at the end of my bed - this is just plain strange for me flipping through channels and landed for a minute on the show Going on 17.
Have you seen this show? Or one of it's predecessors? I can't remember what the show was called before but they have to keep changing it because Jim Bob & Michelle Duggar just keep having more babies!!! Well they were planning a float for the Christmas parade in this episode! And whadaya know? They want to do a live nativity! So they start building a little stable frame on a trailer, covering it, placing some bales of hay etc... They're going to tow it with this monstrous rock-band style tour bus they have. Someone gets the bright idea to decorate the bus with huge Happy Birthday Jesus banners and outline it all in Christmas lights! So they do this and at one point as Jim Bob is hooking up all the cords inside the bus, he starts to talk about the new low voltage, low heat LED lights they have this year and how much they spent on all the over 2000 lights, etc, and he said something that really got me thinking... Ready for it?
The Duggar's are going green he boasts as he tells of the lower energy usage of the LEDs etc.
And I'll tell you it blew my mind even before considering the absurdity of that statement as a father trots in and out of his huge tour bus that he uses to haul his family nineteen around in. Because in that moment I thought to myself:

And what is the carbon footprint of a whole person that lives to old age? or of 18 people that live to old age - did I mention Michelle is pregnant again? In fact I don't think I've seen her NOT pregnant in a season unless you count the episodes where she gives birth!

I am not going to make any pronouncements about how many children someone should have. But I am going to say right here for the whole world, that the Duggars are not going green.

SECOND
Because this sounds fun and I don't have enough on my plate already, I think I'll add some requisite crafts to my near future! Comment and get a prize! Just because I love my readers so much. :)
This comes from my pal Sus and I thought I'd see what I get from her and try my hand at a few projects myself.

The first five people to respond to this post will get something made by me! My choice. For you. This offer does have some restrictions and limitations:

1- I make no guarantees that you will like what I make!
2- What I create will be just for you.
3- It’ll be done this year. (might be a little while)
4- You have no clue what it’s going to be. It may be a story. It may be poetry. I may draw or paint something. I may bake you something and mail it to you. Who knows? Not you, that’s for sure!
5- I reserve the right to do something extremely strange.

The catch? Oh, the catch is that you must re post this on your blog and offer the same to the first 5 people who do the same on your blog.

The first 5 people to do so and leave a comment telling me they did win a FAB-U-LOUS homemade gift by me! Oh, and be sure to post a picture of what you win when you get it!

And since a lot of my readers are non-bloggers... the first 5 non-blogger comments will also get something.
Wow. Did I just double my commitment? Oops. :)

Deed Is Done

So I got tagged in a little housekeeping photo-blog yesterday by my friend Sus. Lucky for me I didn't catch up on my reading and see it till this afternoon! Noah has been sick & needy for three days so my house is kind of a mess. But again, lucky for me, last night was my night off and I did a couple dishes! lol So I have taken the pictures, the deed is done. Now I shall post them here and then you can be sure I'll spread the love. Hehehe

The rules are to take the pictures just as they are right now. If I'd had creamer for coffee today I'd have taken pictures of an unmade bed and a girl in PJs.

1. My Kids

Like I said Noah is sick so he's a little cranky and just wants to watch Playhouse Disney shows on DVR. Dante is taking an afternoon break from his school work to keep him company while I take pictures. Yep Noah is clutching a mini-Mater in his hand. He Looooves Mater.

2. My Closet

My closet can only be seen in halves so here they are. I need more hangers. Most are holding two or more shirts each! Do you know what this many visible hanger ends says? It says We are all sleeveless shirts and we belong in California or Las Vegas!

3. My Favorite Shoes

This is SO hard. I'm a girl - I love love love shoes. But of the dozens I own, the "favorites" are probably at the top of the heap so let's have a look. You can see my Sketchers slip ons the third pair I've owned and loved since nursing school, a pair of black leather lace-up boots I got these from the Gap over 10 years ago and wear them all the time, my silver dancing shoes HAHAHA Where did those crawl out from! I don't know the last time I went dancing LOL, my tiny thin flip-flops these feel like I'm not even wearing shoes, my memory-foam slippers since I teach and work at home, I wear slippers a lot.

4. My Kitchen Sink

I'm just lucky it doesn't ask for a picture of the oven range dirty or the kitchen counter a few more dirty dishes than in the sink!

5. My Fridge

We have no light in our fridge. We replace the bulb and it burns out sounds like a bigger problem than just the bulb to me... I'm hoping for a new fridge in the next year! But with the flash on my camera you can see it all amazingly well. I should just take pictures whenever I want to see what we have!

6. My Laundry Room

as I've said before, hubby does the laundry more than I do so it's all his doing that this room isn't a complete wreck!

7. My Favorite Room

That's the bedroom hands down. I've always loved my room best. And lets face it: all the best things happen in the bedroom anyway!

8. Self Portrait

So I'm gonna tag my friend Val! Let's see it Val. Get out that camera and take some pictures. xo

So Wonder-Rachel... tell us about Mr. Right.

I got this fun Meme from my cousin at her blog:

Where did the two of you meet?

We met at The Off Broadway Theater when he was performing in Quick Wits, their original improv-comedy show.

What was the first thought that went through your head when you first met him?

Wow. He is so cute! Oh he's looking at me! smiles And oh my gosh now he's coming over here - I think he's going to talk to me!!!

Do you remember what he was wearing?

Nope. But I remember one thing I saw him in a lot in those days: his black GAP polo shirt - his uniform for bar-backing at Bricks. And I thought he looked so sexy in black.

Where did you go for your first date?

We had a late dinner at the Applebee's in Taylorsville on Redwood Road. He waited tables there at the time.

Where was the first time you kissed?

I don't remember our first kiss. It was 13 years ago and it's a little fuzzy. I do remember I wouldn't kiss him till I had broken things off with my boyfriend. Yes, I was seeing someone else that night our eyes locked in the lobby of The OBT. And said significant other was out of town so there was waiting involved! But the significant kiss I do remember is the kiss we shared about 5 years ago. After breaking up and going our separate ways almost nine years earlier, I looked him up when I was in town visiting family at easter and we met for coffee. Sitting in his jeep in a parking structure near Starbucks, we kissed just a little. He smelled the same as I remembered and I was smitten all over again.

When was the first time you realized you liked him?

Oh the first time I spent any time talking to him I knew I liked him. He's intelligent and funny and entertaining and inclusive... I liked him right off.

How long did you know him before you became a couple?

Well I guess I only knew him a few days before we started dating but we never really defined it as an exclusive relationship back in '95. Then all those years later we were seeing each other but living in different states so we weren't really a "couple" then either. I guess I would say the Las Vegas trip in Spring of 2004 was the defining moment. We had planned a weekend in Vegas since it was a good half-way point and he had friends going that particular weekend. When I got to his hotel room he pulled me inside and we commenced reunion kissing. At one point when we were pausing for air he just beamed at me and said "I love you." and at that point we decided it was kind of silly to pretend we weren't a madly-in-love-couple any longer. So I guess it was several years.

How did he propose to you?

It was so romantic. I was seriously stressed, dealing with my ex and co-parenting our son. Anthony took me out for a drive the day after Valentines Day I love that part. We ended up in the parking lot at the base of the trail up Mt. Olympus an old make-out spot for us way back in '95. It was quiet, dark, snowing, we got out to look at the lights and he pulled out a ring. It was perfect.

Do you have kids together?

Yep, we've got the toddler-tornado, and we do a pretty damn good job parenting Dante together as well.

Have you ever broken the law together?

Yes.

Do you trust him?

More than I trust myself

Do you see him as your partner in your future?

Absolutely.

What is the best gift he gave you?

It's a toss up between Noah and his patience & understanding. Yes, seriously I am that difficult to deal with!

What is one thing he does that gets on your nerves?

There's really so little... I'm sure he could come up with a long list of character flaws for me actually he should be able to come up with such a list but he probably couldn't (see previous answer), but I can only think of how he bounces his leg all the time. It bugs me when we're at our computers in the loft since it shakes the floor and feels like an earthquake, or if we're sitting next to each other it vibrates me. It's pretty trivial though! lol

Where do you see each other 15 years from now?

15 years from now we'll still be seeing each other in bed quite often. Hehehehehe

What causes the most arguments?

My short temper, hands down.

How long have you been together?

Such a tough question! I guess about five years if we don't count the mad crazy romance right after I graduated, and the 9 years apart in between...

Who Do you Tag?

Oh lets see...
Well Mr. Right of course... And how about my pal Susan if she's got the time in her busy mommy life... and maybe X wants to get personal... I'd love to hear how my sister Melanie met her husband since I wasn't around for it but her blog is private so you can't see it, I know absolutely nothing about NUGO's relationship, being as we're online-only buddies... and last but not least, I like this kind of story since I'm a hopeless romantic so I tag anyone else who reads this & wants to play! :)

The Space Between

I have this pink ceramic box that's shaped like a book. I keep spare change, a special necklace that's broken, my debit card, Drivers license, Costco card, Library card etc., scraps of paper, receipts, hair bands... It sits on a bookshelf by my bed. I came into my room and didn't notice it was missing, but I noticed Noah was missing. I looked around and didn't see him right away. Then the curtains at our sliding glass door rippled. Our bed sits about 15 inches in front of the doors and Noah loves to pace round & round the room going behind our bed in his circuit. So rather than walking around to see if he was behind the curtains as we usually do when he hides, I peeked straight over and behind the headboard - what do you think I saw?

Noah had somehow snagged it off the shelf and was checking out the contents behind my bed! As soon as he realized he'd been spotted he made a break for the open spaces of the bedroom but I cut him off. Still he was clearly very pleased with himself.

Someone somewhere is sitting on a giant pile of money...

I saw this today while reading a comment on an archived post in my cousins blog The Profound Thoughts of a Frivolous Mind. "Don't you feel like someone somewhere is sitting on a giant pile of money?" This was in reference to dealing with insurance companies. And I would agree that there are some Insurance top-dogs that are surely hoarding the cash. This economy seems to be killing everybody. We're all in the same boat and we're all feeling it. Oh except for some. And I found out yesterday who is sitting on the biggest pile of OUR money...

Exxon Mobil Corp.

Yes, you can read all about it at Yahoo News or anywhere else I'm sure. Here it is: Exxon Mobil Corp. on Friday reported a profit of $45.2 billion for 2008, breaking its own record for a U.S. company... So the record for the most a US company has EVER made in a year was just set by Exxon Mobil, pushing the old record down to the number two slot - old record ALSO set by Exxon Mobil.

Am I allowed to say "Greedy fucking bastards" on the radio? No? Well I guess it's good I'm not on the radio anymore and this is my blog huh? Because that's exactly how I feel about Exxon Mobil right now.

And lets not forget about credit card companies either. I have only SLIGHTLY less disgust for them, and this is only because I myself (we can't include the few small credit cards I married in this statement) have no credit card debt and haven't for several years. Here they are screaming & crying for bailout money. Federal interest rates are at record lows and credit card companies are charging record high interest rates. Now that federal interest rates have dropped, do you think card rates will go down? Don't bet on it. Do you think they'll lower rates when they get all that sweet bailout cash? Don't bet on it.

I can think of quite a few people that are sitting on huge piles of money.